Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Force Shutdown

Unix command "halt -f" is a forced shutdown - what it does to the operating system is that it forcefully quits all active processes and shuts down the system even without a warning or confirmation.

Well, we do need such things in life once in a while. Here I am, sitting on the couch of my living room, stroking the keys of my laptop after 5 long days. Thats a record - I have never been away from my computer for so long unless I was away on a vacation.

I met with an accident 5 days ago on my way to office. It was a minor one, thankfully; with a crushed tendon on my right foot and beautiful abrasion fit enough to be called an abstract painting on my left foot and other minor abrasions elsewhere. It has rendered me inactive for few days. I had to undergo a minor surgery to suture the deep gash; now here I am limping to and fro to the bathroom.

"No walking" said the doctor. "Keep your legs elevated on a pillow and don't go to work". Well, I said "Yes doctor, no work. I can't do justice in this condition". I am glad that it ended with a crushed tendon and some tears, there were no fractures and I didn't come under the wheels of any other vehicle. So far so good.

The days gone by has left me to take ample rest. I switched on my laptop today because I felt like writing something. I've been reading and sleeping; eating with guilt(I have decided to take just 2 meals a day hereafter. Lets see how far it goes) I have switched off from work completely. Above all; it has made me take a look back at my days gone by. Well, what use is to think about past? It has use, if you want to prioritize and plan your future well.

I've realized that I've been working like crazy, been taking too many things on my plate without realizing that I need to be clever and smart. Yeah, its not about money at all. These has been my guiding principle all these years. But if you are being taken for a ride; you better take note of it. I have not been hearing to a peer's advice of taking things slow, not worry about work. It has always been what value can I add at work; how can I help my coworkers.

Now; I am here with my condition and not even one team member has called up in courtesy to check on my well being. I feel sad, ashamed, hurt but at the same time wise. I know now what is important, what should be valued. Work to live your life and not live to work. At the end of the day; you are a resource. Now that this resource is resting; the liability is more.

I've also realized what value is a human being to one's friends, relatives and acquaintances. Its not that I am going to change now and remain unsocial. I am just going to set my expectations right and not be too giving. I've always done that and have been at the receiving end in terms of disappointments.

I am feeling good that I am having this break, not worried about work, dead lines and responsibilities. I know when I go back to work; I am going to be clear about how I want to work hereafter. More importantly, I know my so called friends at work are just co-workers and my relatives don't want troubles coming their way. I know there are no so called "friends for life"; its just a notion to many; only lucky few get such friends.

Let me get back with some nice write ups next time


14 comments:

  1. Get well soon. Enjoy your break and you said it right : There are no so called "friends for life"; its just a notion to many; only lucky few get such friends.

    In a way glad that this minor accident happened which led you to prioritize.

    Take care B!

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    1. Thanks Ramya. Im on the road to recovery :)

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  2. The metaphor is striking,"forced shut down" and uninformed no boding and or warning!
    Why do we relate or hitch our happiness to another's whims, likes, calling us to say "hi how are you" , so on and so forth?. Why do we crave for others to notice us , to express concern at our plight , to love us? Are we not increasing beggary by begging for these fantasies?
    If it is , it is and if it is not , so be it!.Why cannot we accept this?

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    1. Anil,

      It just happened; I would like to believe everything happens for a reason; so be it.

      I am ashamed but I will admit it; yeah the first couple of days I was feeling bad that none called me to inquire about my state. Then I realized why was I so worried. Why should i crave for attention? I am being I am..none has to prove my worth; I know my worth. But to realize this ; I needed this Anil.

      I was in a false sense of best friends and all that; now I know to deal with friendships.

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  3. Shocked to learn of your accident! You haven't said how you met with it. But you seem to have made best use of the situation - that is to reflect on relationships. It is of course disappointing and disillusioning to discover what relationship is all about , esp;, that between friends that we all wax lyrical. Like Anil said, and I too have many times, one has to accept 'what is'. The problem is with you/us who tend to exaggerate the value of friendship.

    I think a large number of my posts have been about friendship - I swore on friendship - yet imagine my chagrin when I realized what a friend of more than quarter of century thought about me - I could be the most despicable character he/she ever knew! It threw me totally off balance - it was sickening to learn how I really seemed to him/her (and he/she went public, ha ha ha) and all that camaraderie of bygone years was just bullshit! :-)

    What makes you sad is that none of your team members have spared even a couple of minutes to inquire after your health. When I used to work as a clerk in the Bank, every time an officer or supervisor falls ill, we thought of it as a bonus - we would get 'officiating allowance' in his absence! :-)

    Well, B, we do need to shut down once in a while, take time off to ruminate over one's past and perhaps glean a lesson or two from it.

    Remya said it right - no friends for life - period! Noticed that she too calls you B - I have the patent, you know! ;-D

    Get well soon, read a few books . I recommend Paul Theroux's The Tao of Travel. Great stuff! It also connects you to other travel writers...

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    1. Haha Balan....I had these same chain of thoughts. First, I was hurt, disappointed and later angry that my team members didn't call me up.

      Then I worried if I had overly exaggerated the friendship. I realized I had. Later, I thought how they would be all happy to take up my tasks and prove that even they could do what I am doing....

      I am enjoying this time; been reading a lot; averaging a book a day. Thanks for recommending a book - i will pick that up.

      Balan, I acknowledge you holding the patent of addressing me as 'B' however I think you are fine with others borrowing it as well :)

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  4. oops, Remya only affirmed what you said - :-/

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  5. Get well.
    May be,that was one way of forced rest to an over worked genius

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    1. Thanks chowla sir. It was indeed forced holiday and I m glad to find free time

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  6. Hope you are better after forced shutdown:)

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  7. Hi Bindu, hope the system is back in operation.

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    1. Not yet Anil. Will take 2 more weeks at the least. But able to use my laptop now

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  8. Uh oh!! Take care.. Take rest... and...get well soooon >:D<

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I'd love to know what you thought :-) Please shoot!