I have noticed changes in me that is telling me that God! I am aging...faster than I thought I would. I think this is what everyone will go through and I should not find myself anxious. I am just going through the natural process...Am I?
For one, I strongly feel my profession stresses me more than what other professions could to other people. Again, wallowing in self pity and consoling myself. Not really. The bloody MNC corporate world doesnt leave you unless they have squeezed the last drop of juice out of you. Peer pressure or the lack of it? Create one. Competition, criticism, back stabbing, manipulating....
Who the hell influenced me to take up engineering? Its making me old, bored and zombie like. It is all like finding fool's gold now. We the software people have taken an oath that we would remain sophisticated slaves for generations and savvy beggars. I would rather go begging - its tax free!
These days, the slide and spike of rupee is more interesting to me than Tom & Jerry. Of course; I want the rupee to slide whenever I am selling my shares isnt it? How self centered I can be? The price of a kg of tomato worries me more these days. And yeah; why do I read political and economic news than enjoying Calvin & Hobbes?
Isnt something terribly wrong here? Or is this how things are with people growing old? Unwanted worries of life, am I still attractive to my spouse? Oh the belly fat? Will he/she be bored after a while?
Waking up with "Oh! today is the last day to pay my credit card due and I have no enough balance left!" is such a sad thing.
My mirror shows gray hair and pigmented skin. I turn around and see a slight bulge near my waist. I get angry sooner, I cant see humor in tough times. Nor can I take few things light. I think twice to show my middle finger to morons who spoil my day. Never thought about the consequences anytime ever. But now I do. Why?
Fear of losing the earning that pays my home loan? Fear of losing my identity? Fear of not being able to live my dreams fueled by money - traveling, photography? Fear of facing the fear? Thats it! Compromise, collaboration, diplomacy....BULL CRAP!!!
Why to worry about staying at home without a job? Worried about compromising life style? Worried about education going waste? Worried about boredom? I dont know!
These are all the confusions and questions for which I dont have an answer. I do know I am not alone. Oh yeah! I know very well I am aging. Because I dont show interest in listening to a new music as I used to. I feel tired waking up, lying awake and going to sleep. I am being pulled into responsible (sic) roles! CRAP!
All go to hell!!!!