Sunday, March 18, 2012

Why I strive for Perfection?

Something has been bothering me for a couple of weeks. Yeah, its like that leech sucking blood out of you, bothering me in my sleep, in my dreams, in my daily routine. I am a sucker for perfection. Isn't that wrong? Or am I a sucker for complete control? Yeah, this is a better way to put that quality of mine.

Diligent worker, passionate who craves for perfection. I have been told that not everyone around me would work in the same speed as me or that I should not expect the agility or knowledge that I showcase. But why is it hard for me to slow down? I don't take pride of these qualities, because it may not do good to me.

Is it not ironical when I say such qualities might harm me? Yeah, in a corporate world you need to be individual contributor and at the same time be a team player. You need to be an effective communicator; but isn't communication effective only if the receiver interprets it the way you would like it to be? You are supposed to provide technical guidance; are reprimanded for offering advice and also for not being approachable (if people don't reach out to you).

Well, I think I am venting out my helplessness here. Anyway the basic problem here. Why do  I strive for perfection? Its not going to happen and it isn't easy to keep everyone and yourself happy. Something that has been inculcated in me by myself through the years. For someone who did not get things easy, working hard to achieve was not enough; being average was an anathema. I hear my friends telling me that I am different; is it supposed to make me happy? Hell! no I shudder.

Being told that I have done something beyond my capacity and capability; being in par with others who are probably way way experienced and senior to me worries me that I might fail somewhere down the lane. The paranoia pushes me for perfection; I magnify a trivial mistake; rehash it many times until it blows up and shows up as a scar only to me. Is there a way out of this obsessive behavior? How can others take it so easy but not me? Why do I lose sleep and punish myself for no fault of mine?

I need to let go, its also a way to achieving perfection. Why to judge something thats not in your hands? Humans are designed to have flaws, to achieve perfection is to be certain; to be certain is to be in total control; and with control comes the sense of power; forgetting oneself in the process.

As I was mulling over these since a couple of weeks, I saw an article on Sunday Times today. How perfect! Oops!  I think I realize what it is; if I am pointed at for not doing something that was expected of me, I am going to say "I will do it here after" instead of justifying what I did and why it did not work. "Let it go!" as a colleague said...yeah thats what I will do...Just let it go :)

24 comments:

  1. Hi Insignia,

    I love your blog and am glad to pass the Versatile Blogger award on to you! See here: http://wp.me/p1kP6q-tqhttp://www.aditi-mitra.com/2012/03/versatile-blogger-award.html

    I hope you enjoy it and find other great bloggers to reward with it too.

    Cheers,
    A.M

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    Replies
    1. A.M,

      Thanks so much for your appreciation. Sure thing :)

      Delete
  2. The point is, B, why do you have to compare? In being a 'striver' for excellence, you are consciously or unconsciously trying to compare yourself with others. Be what you are, and to hell with the rest of the world with their 'calculators'! I guess there is a lot of innate competitiveness in you, which could be unsettling. Let go, yeah, let go!

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    1. Balan,

      The thing is I dont compare I just expect :)
      Its that I feel its not rocket science and why are others taking so long? :) True, competitive I have been throughout; it has isolated me all the while

      Delete
  3. "In Search of Excellence" was a best-seller book in the eighties. The authors profiled ten companies that were according to them innovating and consistently high on profit graphs.A few years down the line some of the profiled companies fell by the way side and also it was true there were inherent stumbling blocks in them that the authors did not notice or mention. Later came the book as a repartee titled,"In Search of Stupidity".

    So the moral of the story is as I see, bench marking is a Business School dictum , best taken in spirit than at its literal value.Better to have a face even if one is a thief metaphorically.

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha true. Its tough for people like me Anil.

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  4. In real life it makes difficult to remain perfect!

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  5. Insignia - after all the advises one gets to hear about 'letting go' that one thought which surrounds you and troubles you even in your sleep.. how can one actually let go of a thing / thought truly? wouldn't it still be around in the thoughts hidden??

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    1. ousu,

      Bang on!!! I think you wouldnt actually let go unless you fix it at least partially. Its not at all easy

      Delete
  6. I think you have a very 'reasonable' answer within you Insi..It's there laying in what you write.The entire idea of perfection is nothing to blame for.It's of course an individual trait,which as you write,is been inculcated in you by yourself.And I personally think,which DIFFERS you.The only prob may be the 'pondering over' on something unnecessary.Like we can CHANGE viewpoints or opinions on certain things.But how on an individual trait ? Then what's the meaning of it all ? However,REASONING & THINKING both needs immense discipline to be "PERFECT".Haha..the controlling equipment is there with you Insi,just loosen and use it for you..I think you are better in this too.Keep smiling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Melange,

      It gets nastier when you are obsessed with it Melange. It does not work in a group when no one shares your view. You know something is not going to work but you have to keep your mouth shut! :)

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  7. You remind me of Howard Roark ! Admire you :)

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    1. Kavita,

      A blogger once told me my hair cut looks like Ayn Rand's and now you say this :-D

      Delete
  8. Every one must try and be as perfect as one can be.
    but,I would hate to compare myself with anyone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sir, the perfection when mistaken with extreme competitiveness is a problem :)

      Delete
  9. Hmm I read a comment above Bala sir says Why do you need to compare or think of it .. you are far ahead of those who take longer , let them .. everyone cant be as good as you ..

    moreover I feel there is nothing called PERFECT .. as its all how one views it .. I can find a problem even in perfection and If you are working for sgt _____ no matter how good or nicely you do your job, he can always find a way better than mine.. so i have given up ..

    I have some good news this side will chat sometime when you are free .

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :-) Congrats and I am happy for you Bik.

      Delete
  10. Yeah..just let it go! What you are worrying about is a quality not everyone has! You are gifted with that! The sincerity and looking for perfection is just perfect! And if you see closely, this quality is seen in successful entrepreneurs! But if that's tormenting your mind so much, just don't care/think so much about it :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Vaish,

      Yeah the usual corporate stuff you know :) Will deal with it :) Thanks

      Delete
  11. Most problems which people face in Corporate life and personal life too are to do with people. We are not happy with our bosses, co-workers, team workers and with ourselves for not speaking loud enough or being too verbal or too meek or too competitive. That is the nature of work life. I think getting agitated by everything is really pointless. We have to make do with whatever has been dealt out to us. A friend of mine said to me, "How does it matter what I expect. I have to make do with the cards that have been dealt to me." I hope you can derive something of value from this :).

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    1. I agree Rachna. Its easy to choose 0 or 1; but when there is ambiguity is when we are stressed.

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  12. Letting Go is easier said than done!! But yes, if you learn to Let GO, things become a lot more easier!

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    1. Shilpa,

      Totally! agree. But its important to grow and survive :)

      Delete

I'd love to know what you thought :-) Please shoot!