Whoever coined this term, sure must have gone through so much.
Once, its just not under your control and keeps wandering across forts you dont want it to, other times it just is a sweetie pie. Lot of thoughts, heck a lot of thoughts, feelings, opinions.........
Why are we so complicated? It would be tad easy if everyone thought on the same lines, isnt it? Its such a herculean task to do so, uummpphhh!! Just the other day, I was really embarrassed of a situation. Yeah! I got into it, my inquisitive nature has done more harm to me than good. It requires some level of discipline to be instilled in me to curb my curious nature. Then, I brood for entire 3 days - replaying the incident in my mind - again and again to figure out what went wrong, where did it go wrong or why did it ever happen in the first place.
I wasted 3 whole days - unable to concentrate at work; the series of events being replayed on my mind to such a level that I dream something related to it! I was expecting something positive to happen. Was I hopeful? Yeah, sort of, for the way things turned out. Dont ask me what it was. I am not going to say.
On second thoughts, yeah its me! That is how I have always been. I had to go through the grind. Was there any other way out? Knowing me well, I dont think so. This is how things 'end' for me. Labor hard, labor even harder to realize the truth, disbelief over something that ended, retrospect as to what really went wrong, conclude that nothing was wrong but it had to end, mull if things just take a sudden turn even though everything was fine! Is this how the events are governed?
Maybe thats how it is with me. Aww, enough of rambling. Since the past 2 weeks, most of the fishes passed away. "Passed away" is such a noble word for the fishes, no? They are the least responsive pets one could have. You dont really connect with them. So, its been that each morning I wake up to see one of them floating - dead, colorless all the charm gone.
Nature treats every life the same way isnt it? Its not partial. Anyway, I notice one of them is dead, promptly get the net, remove it away and dispose it off. I was wondering if I would treat a death of say a cat or a dog in a nonchalant way as this? I dont think so. Why not? Is that because we do not connect with those fishes at the emotional level as we would with the dogs or cats?
So life is valued based on the emotional proximity? Ummmm...something to ponder more! Yeah, so going back to that episode; yeah it disconcerted me when I revisited the way I handled the situation. I should have just not cared! I didnt care long enough but yet...should have damn cared even a wee bit! But me being me! who exacerbates even a simplest of emotion with a slogan "I am considerate" needs some spanking for sure is what I thought.
Anyway, as everything else, I learnt a lesson. Never ever be curious unless it is really going to benefit you. But have I ever learnt a lesson? ever?