Wednesday, March 7, 2012

What NOT to ask

Well, you do have overly concerned relatives and colleagues who are your well wishers. You get advices in abundance and suggestions galore. The session of suggestion or advice starts post few queries. You are shot with questions in full view of the public; without even a wee bit of sensibility; you are so garishly embarrassed that you would love to have a flying carpet to vanish from there or just wish the person's head blew up and the pieces just flew out in all directions!

Has it ever happened to you? Zillion times eh?

Its not just about marriage or salary. Its more than that. An aunty with a sweet smile will inquire "How many kids?" "A straight face - "Not yet". Lips pressed tight, gives such  dirty look and says "Oh! Why? Worried about losing your beauty huh?" If not the beauty its about the money "How much do you want to earn? No one is going to ask you how many cars you have or what property you have. They will always ask how many kids?" And then an age old proverb and then blah...blah...blah.....

Or see a seasoned techie and exclaim "Oh! you are not a manager yet!" It happens only in India. If you have for 7+ years in software and if you are not a manager; all hell breaks loose. You are deemed incompetent, unfit...Any amount of explanation about you not inclined towards management goes unheard. There is a twitch, a smirk! and then whenever you show up in a gathering, you can hear whispers and odd looks.

Similarly ONSITE opportunities. A baggy trouser-ed bespectacled uncle  will ask you "Your company didn't send you to Amrica?" If you are in software field and have not gone to America on work; boy! oh boy! you are so unfit!!! My mom's biggest work off late is explaining why I chose not to go to America for work to her sisters. She gets snubbed by her sister that I (that's me) don't have it in me to work in USA. My mother is disappointed and she calls me. I have a hearty laugh! Most of them don't realize that the skilled ones remain in homeland because what really happens onsite is this.


Anyway how to deal with it? Just look into their eyes and say "None of your business" and follow it with a sweet smile :)

35 comments:

  1. and "mind your own business" also does the trick and if you really want to flutter their feathers and have a lovely smile on your own face once you turn to go away ask them "Oh by the way Aunty - uncle How is your son or daughter doing.. Are they still living with you or how long have they been working " :)

    It will wipe the smirk off their face for sure .. Try it .. I do it often.

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    1. Hahahaha Bik good one! I should try this.

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    2. Lol. A counter question is the solution most of the times. A good read, one can relate to what u have written here!

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    3. Shesha, yup! that will most probably keep them silent for a while

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    4. I have tried that quite a few times to shut a few mouths.. and it works :)

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  2. B, you see behind all these questions of seeming anxiety is just one feeling sadism. The pleasure of hearing the expectant answer. Question . How many kids? They expect not yet and would have a cardiac infraction if one says five or even one.
    F...k them is the answer and ignore. There are hardly many who would heartily laugh with you when you laugh and many many would not be within a ten mile radius if you have a difficult plight.

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    1. Anil,

      Isnt that obvious? For what good reason would they be worried? Its just for entertainment!

      Yeah! its sad that you are surrounded by such leeches

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  3. I've seen this picture in FB a few days back..and it is so true! I'm at onsite, and I do nothing but a workaholic life. It's nothing as compared to being in India with the loved ones!
    Ask me about people questioning. They never stop. It's like a cycle process. Starting from school, to college. "Why did you not choose science as major? All your relatives have taken that and gone engineering". And while at work, they ask about marriage. After marriage, its kids. And if we have 1 kid, they ask when the 2nd one. I'm tired of these questions, honestly. Sometimes I feel like telling "that's none of your business". And tht's the apt answer for them. What's their botheration?

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    1. Yeah! but we get bombarded with so many things at once that we cant give a fitting answer. By the time we recover, they are gone!

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  4. I also go with Bikram. Ask a counter question and that would silence them. I have faced it very often.
    I am goody goody one , never ask such questions to anyone like that though I belong to an older generation.:)

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    1. :-) We need more people like you chitra ma'am. Let me tell you, though i mentioned 'uncle or aunty', its not limited to only them. Even people of my generation and maybe the generation after me are like that, but the % is little

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  5. A lot of friends onsite have ranted about this, and what you say is 100% true bindu.

    3 cheers for Bikram's response. Ha ha ha... Not everyone can ask a counter question though. Tough art...

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  6. A few options:

    1. Oh! I'd have loved to have that answered, but my PR manager is on leave. I''ll ask him to get back to you when he returns.

    2. I'm quite a liability on my company, actually, but their manngement believes in altruism and charity, so they've retained me. I'm sure even if someone like you seeks a job, they'll definitely offer one, perhaps, even on a management position! Last I heard, they were in urgent need of humane & inquisitive management personnel who'd take upon themselves to help the employees by querying them peskily on their personal lives and giving wise advice.

    3. We love kids, but my husband and I had discovered the wonders of !DEA 3G even before !DEA was 'conceived'! :D

    4. My husband and I don't love each other 'that way'! :P

    5. I don't want to repeat my parents' mistakes!

    6. I'm ideologically opposed to boost the capitalist American economy. First it was Iraq, then Afghanistan, now Iran; next could be your bedroom!

    7. Hahaha aunty, you're so funny and interesting! I wonder why uncle (her husband) even sets his eyes on other women! :P

    How have you been? :) [This question's for you, and not the pes(t)ky relatives. :)

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    1. Look who is here!

      Funny and witty responses Ketan. I just wish it were that easy! :) It leaves you flustered and you need to recover fast to gather your wits.

      I am doing fine, thank you. Have have you been? I diligently put Email subscription since you said you miss on my posts. But I dont see you even after that ;-/

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  7. Yes,just follow what your HEART say..that works well.Isn't it Insi ?

    We can't CHANGE them for any REASON.I hope to take these as guidelines and not ask rubbish to others...

    Waise bhi,zindagi hamari hai na ?

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    1. True :) But there is that tiny moment which leaves you irritated.

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  8. Just ignore such people or just give them a kind smile for being so stupid and insensible, or as Bikram said just backfire the question if you are the rebellious type. Such people always want to 'show' how great and successful they are and you are not.
    They just don't know the entire scenario and start pouting. To hell with such people. :|

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    1. Yeah, they get that pleasure! Because they dont have nothing in their life to find pleasure :)

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  9. i so much loved this one.You forgot about being single / unmarried episode ;)

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  10. neha,

    The marriage and salary I did mention when I said Its not just not marriage and salary. These two are default anyways isnt it? :)

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  11. Very true, Insignia. My husband could relate to that how come not in a management role after so many years in development? And, I have seen women unabashedly ask, the aunty types, about kids, number, spacing, why or why not. Really quite crazy. It becomes dicey saying mind your own business especially if they are your friends' moms.

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    1. Rachna,

      Yeah, even mothers have questions on numbers and spacing huh! Whats sad is they dont realize

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  12. It was in one of the social gatherings that I learnt the word DINCs when someone referred us as one .The person had no idea that we were undergoing through various infertility treatment procedures then.

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    1. Oh! Kavita, such people have lot of assumptions and when they start to comment, they dont realize the hurt they cause

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  13. May be one should try and avoid being with such uncles and aunties types.
    Just shrugg your shoulders when stupid questions are ased.One need not be embarrassed nor one should be obliged to answer.
    Just be yourself.
    Damn them.

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    1. Sometimes its easy Chowla sir, sometimes not. But yeah as we face, we learn to tackle

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  14. Even if you are rude to them, they will conveniently forget the remark and ask you the same question next time around :D

    Anyway, ignorance is a bliss. Hilarious post :)

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  15. When you are unmarried, the question is when are you getting married. Ok, you get married and then the question is when are you having kids? Ok, when you have a kid, the question is when is the second one?!!

    This peeping into one's privacy - is it something 'Indian' only? I dunno. Dunno many foreigners.

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    1. Yes, its Indian or Indian influenced most part. The inquisitiveness never stops.

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  16. the questions never stop coming. I really loved your final response to all this. But at times its not all that easy. But yes, you have to deal with it all the time.

    Cheers !!

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  17. Saquib,

    Welcome to B Log. You are right, if not one, there is question two. Its not at all easy any time, but yeah we got to learn :)

    Thanks for hopping by

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