Call them lifts or elevators; we cant do without them in our daily lives. Office lifts have rich tales to tell, only if they had the ability to yell!
An office goer would use the lifts at least 4 times a day. The lifts are silent spectators of human embarrassment and an apt place for research on human behaviors. How does one initiate a conversation with someone who is going to share that tiny space with you for not more than 1 minute? How do you stand in the tiny confinement of cramped space and yet not invade the private space of others? How do you develop the art of staring into space?
Most people would prefer to have the lift all by themselves. Yeah me too! I revel in excitement when I get into a lift and there's no one around. I can make a phone call and talk loud. I can look at my reflection on the polished walls of the lift and make sure I am presentable. I can relax, lean against the wall....hum my favorite tune, take the entire space and practice dance moves, curse someone.....
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But that's not the case always. More often than not; we happen to share this cramped heavenly space with number of others. Lift experiences have always been annoying to me.
Most of us would have been part of few of the annoying situations more often - either by being the VICTIM or the CULPRIT. Lets find that out.
1. People tend to shout loud speaking on the phone while on the lift. Yelling improves the network signal, is it? Why are they not considerate enough to hold the call unless they leave the lift.
2. Another obsessive attitude of folks is to stand right in front of the control panel even when the lift is empty! What are you trying to do? Its understandable if the lift is crowded and you would want to stay as away as possible. That's the proper etiquette; but protecting the panel such that no one else can use it.....argh!!
3. I would like to occupy any one of the four corners of the lift space to let people come in and go out of the lift with ease. If the corners by chance are the front ones, it doesn't mean I AM THE LIFT OPERATOR!. I would definitely offer to press the buttons and hold the floor. But no, I ain't getting paid for it Mr. Where has the courtesy of "Please" and "Thank you" gone when one offers to press the buttons?
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4. Its coldly amusing to be confronted by people just right in front of the lift door as it opens. They want to rush inside the lift even before the people trying to get out of the lift. Its a feeling of getting slapped hard on your cheeks. Guys! wake up. The lift is all yours but only for 60 seconds. Why do you barge in? Whats in store? Nothing interesting, just few boring and frustrated folks. Likewise, don't ever assume people have supernatural powers to pass through you to exit the lift if you hijack the only exit available.
5. Conversing aloud when inside the lift. Its so annoying to hear people complain about their work and their bosses in the lifts. Keep your drudgery conversations to yourself guys.
6. LADIES! LADIES! Its not your rest room to give yourself a makeover, highlight hair and clean your nails! Its very embarrassing for others who is on the lift with you. And please no.. no.. no.. gossips. Get that...huh?
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7. What do you call people who get a sadistic pleasure out of pressing all the buttons on the control panel just before they get out at the ground floor? The lift stops at each floor, 10 seconds to open the door, 30 seconds waiting and 10 seconds to close the door and start all over again.....
8. The lift is full, why do you want to try squeezing in and delay others?
9. If your office is in 1st or 2nd floor, whats the harm in taking stairs? People using the lift to travel less than 3 floors must be PROSECUTED!
10. Another thing that could drive you barmy is when someone holds the lift and the whole bunch of folks doing a ramp walk to get in. Least considerations to people already in the lift. Or when someone holds the lift and has a conversation with a person outside the lift not wishing to get in. What the heck! Disembark! Finish off your lovely CHANGE THE WORLD conversation , there's always the next lift..
11. Pressing the lift button continuously does not speed up the lift to go faster. Yet, people tend to do it. the lift is no Cow or Horse, lash it out and it runs faster buddy!
12. The DISGUSTING of them all...Breaking wind! Please don't do it. Don't even try it silently. Your face will give away.
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13. THE FATHER OF ALL PUNISHABLE OFFENCE
You are on the lift, you are about to close the lift and notice someone running for the lift, please be kind enough to hold the door so that they can get in. This exact thing happened to me last week. A lady was on a lift, she saw me running towards the lift and phut! she pressed the button and the door slammed shut on my face. She looked exalted and in high spirits with her success as if she was on a high after guzzling down a couple of beers!. I wanted to punch on her lovely face!
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Folks, I tell you there is nothing worse than seeing the lift open as one tries to get in and the lift door slams shut in the face. At least try to put up a sorry sad face and not an amused one!
Hoping for better experiences...
And yes, before signing off, the most stupid question people ask...
IS IT GOING UP/DOWN?
People, look at the panel; which direction is the arrow blinking? Why do you waste 10 seconds of my precious time?