"I want the panels made of rose wood" said the young man in all his enthusiasm.
"Sure sir, the panels made of rose wood, with intricate carvings of vines; as you say" said the craftsman
"I also want the drape to be richly colored satin; something like royal blue?" the man declared with a bit of confusion
"Alright sir, royal blue is sure a nice color" replied the craftsman waiting to be appreciated.
"Oh yes, and I should be able to sleep comfortably" the young man insisted; his energy abound.
"Sure sir, That will be no problem at all sir. The panels are smooth and soft, and cozy" the craftsman said with pride
"But somehow it seems to me that I wont be able to fold my hands comfortably without hitting the sides. Please make sure it is indeed comfortable. I will come back in 5 days time" said the man while the craftsman nodded helplessly at the young man's dissatisfaction
The young man sprinted away as the craftsman murmured -
"So much for a coffin"
Now this says that the old man must be having an eye for perfection all through his life...perfection must have been in his blood when he was alive and he ensured that it remains so after he dies too.
ReplyDeleteGood one insignia! good one
This is one of the best posts I've read! :)
ReplyDelete"Maro to shaan se"
ReplyDeletedamn, I mean darn, I am breaking all the rules here...ur last post made me so conscious...see, a hindi comment, a not-acceptable word...and I had to read the whole post as there was no PS.. :P
jokes apart, loved this one :D
hii
ReplyDeletegood one! liked it!
Hi!
ReplyDeleteThe buildup was good. In fact, the sign of a good buildup is the reader trying to extrapolate the events ahead. And maybe, I extrapolate a LOT!
So, I was anticipating that the young man despite such exacting demands, would not be able to sleep in peace! :) And was thinking, how he might realize, peace needs to be in mind, and not in the bed (whatever that means, especially not in Hindi)!
But the anticlimax was good!
Though, personally as a reader I do not like being short changed into an anticlimax, after extrapolating so much! It is not good for my ego--makes me feel foolish! ;) But, is it a case anticlimax is your specialty? For instance, your previous piece of fiction (on the open fly) was also based on anticlimax.
Anyway, though I'm not as good as Stupidosaur at these things, an idea struck me.
Had your name been Indu, your blog's name could have been
iLOG
Had your name been Sindhu, your blog's name could have been
S LOG
But I think then, there's not much 'POINT' mulling over your name, is there?
Keep writing!
Take care.
Hi Gayathri,
ReplyDeleteThank you. After your comment, I just changed the character of old man, so that the story is unpredictable :-D
Thank you, its just a fiction. I am aware of any person who is so perfect yet!! :-)
Hi Guria,
ReplyDeleteThanks, Glad you liked it :-)
Hi Neha,
ReplyDeleteYou care carrying the legacy here too on behalf of all bloggers huh :-P
Well, good you read the whole post, I mean whole post...:-P
Thank you, my attempt to try some fiction, thats it :)
Hi AS,
ReplyDeletethank you :-)
Hi Ketan,
ReplyDeleteHere you come!! Since you inferred a lot, I take that my build up was indeed very good :-)
Yes, I did add a couple more lines for the reader to start imagining that the object in description is something else.
Maybe; I just want to surprise the reader; I humbly state that my intention is not to make the reader appear foolish.
I want the reader to experience 'the totally unexpected' moment. And in the end their whole imagination is disbursed. If you felt that way, then I succeed.
Hmm, now I know why you didn't comment on the open fly thing. You don't like anti-climax, do you?
Its really exciting to be reading your comments, because as I said, you analyze things in a different perspective than others. B Log and my name is just a co-incidence. I didn't have an idea as to what to name this blog space. So I just introduced a space in between the word "Blog" and it became B Log.
It was later that I realized that it also meant B's Log; after a friend of mine discovered it.
Hmm, so I don't know if my name was Indu or Sindu, would it have been iLog or sLog.
But there is a POINT in mulling over these things. I admire and appreciate your observations. No one has ever asked this question.
when something can be done the way you want it to be why not?? people always mutter show off under their breath when i customize even the smallest things.but its just a sort of feeling of perfection in non utopia..thats bliss..cushtom..free
ReplyDeletewow, very well written!
ReplyDeletewonderful write up...
ReplyDeletemy first visit to your blog but definitely not the last
Excellent short story. He is such a perfectionist. To tell you the truth, knowing your writing style, I was thinking he was not ordering a regular bed. And the anticlimax was super.
ReplyDeleteYo! Story time! Stories always fascinate me. :-)
ReplyDeleteI liked this one very much. But again I felt it was too short. The entire story relies on the dialogues. Instead of that a little bit of your narration could've created a good gravity. I mean explaining the milieu, the characters, the surroundings, the mood, etc. It would've been much better then.
Just my honest opinion. :-)
Hope to read more. :-)
Damn!!
ReplyDeleteWhoaaaa....completely out of the blues!!!! But suggestion wise you could have made it shorter to a 55 fiction or to have made it a bit longer for a short story like giving the perception,reason behind his such a perfectionist attitude, such persons are not very common, there must be a reason may be
ReplyDeleteHey, very nice short story. I remembered the good old "Malgudi Days". What triggered this idea?
ReplyDeleteHi soin,
ReplyDeleteThis is just a fiction boy!!! And its considered somewhat indifferent for someone to be so specific about his/her own coffin!!! - well; for most people
Got it? So chill!
Hi orange,
ReplyDeleteWelcome to B Log. Thanks for your comments :-) Glad you liked it
Hi Tanmaya,
ReplyDeleteWelcome to B Log. Thank you. Hope to see you more here
Hi SG,
ReplyDeleteSuperb!!! You mentioned bed!!!! Oh thank heavens. Yeah, the story tries to mislead people into thinking that he is ordering a bed.
You found out...hmm..next time when I write a story, there wont be an anti climax.
Thank you for the comments, glad you liked it
Some people re really bso perfectionists, and who would know it better than me..my hubby is one such man:)..you had a nice build up in the post.
ReplyDeleteHi Karthik,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments and suggestion. :-) I don't want to write a loooooooooooong story.
And I felt talking about the surrounding and the character was not needed; the mood is definitely known by the time you read the last line :-)
I tend to used adjectives a lot to describe more. But will definitely try to incorporate all these next time :-)
Hey Abhi,
ReplyDeleteYeah, damn!!! :-P
Hi Mustaf,
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it and thanks for your suggestion.
:-) I do think about 55 fiction but I don't want to stereotype and try to cram the story to 55 words. And I don't want to describe about the character much as I want to leave those stuffs to the reader's creative imagination.
He is a perfectionist, just a unique character of his, why and how? Open to readers, imagine whatever feels good :-) But I will try to elaborate more in my next attempt. :-)
Hi Gautam,
ReplyDeleteThank you. What triggered the story? Dont ask. I was working on weekends...somehow this idea bloomed. :-S
Hi Antarman,
ReplyDeleteYeah, few people are way to perfectionists. :-) Thank you.
Hi Insignia!
ReplyDeleteNow I'll have to make a few clarifications! So, the comment would indeed be long. :)
Irrespective of how it might have looked on Stupidosaur's posts, I tend to make light-hearted comments way too often. Light hearted here doesn't mean insincere, but sometimes with hyperbole, sometimes with oblique references, sometimes using the words out of context and out of their conventional meanings, etc. So, this might sometimes make life a bit difficult for you to interpret my comments. But one thing that would help you is--I hardly ever take offense!
Why such a long explanation, 'cuz, when I say I feel 'foolish', I did not mean exactly foolish! I was kind of exaggerating. Maybe, the apt word would be mild disappointment.
But even more important, I do not actually mind feeling foolish many times. Seriously! :) If you would read the description of my blog, it is precisely inspired by moments when I felt foolish about myself.
Okay, now coming back to your two stories. :)
Yes, you very much did succeed in dispersing my chain of thoughts at the end. (For instance I had to look up disburse (click) as I didn't know its precise meaning, but it didn't sadden me at all. Rather, I take such occasions to learn something new.)
As you must have noticed, even I do write fiction. A lot of that is 55-fiction. And let me tell you except, for a few, I do not enjoy the enjoy the restriction of 55 words at all! The only reason I'd still stick with that is so that I would know where to stop!
So basically, I can make out the literary and psychological devices that you use.
I liked the 'fly' story better than this one! The reason I didn't comment there was (just like how the reader wouldn't think of the simpler possibilities in stories employing anticlimax) very simple! I'd got distracted by something else, possibly my own studies! The mental tension you'd built there was better, but unlike in this story, I couldn't anticipate at all what was to happen (except for his getting penalized for wrongly parking). But this anticlimax of an open fly was something I had heard before, too, hence somewhat the diluted overall response. And, somehow I also had the intuition there would be an anticlimax, but not with the coffin-story!
You might try the button 'flash fiction' on my blog. In particular, 'Star-struck' uses devices similar to your two stories.
For now, keep writing!
TC.
I guess people did not ask you about B Log, precisely because just like me they thought it must stand for B's Log! :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, I had attempted to use irony in that sentence "there's no 'POINT' in mulling over your name...", because your name itself means 'point'! Okay, very indirect relation, but still!
TC.
Hi Hi Ketan,
ReplyDelete:-D Well, clarifications were not necessary at all. I mean, I understood. In fact, was just trying to pull your leg; its not everyday that I get to reach such interesting comments. So I got carried away, you know.
I pretty well understand your habit of making oblique references and out of context meanings. You are new to my blog but I am pretty old to your comments and responses. I have been reading your comments on other blogs, so I understand the nature.
And when I said I didnt intend to make anyone appear foolish, I did not literally mean it too :-) So dont take most of my statements in literal sense, I throw a lot of sarcasm.
And coming to dispersing or disbursing your thoughts, I take that as a compliment, that I can manage to do that to a complicated brain :-P
I don't like the 55 word restriction too. I did read the "You got rich..virtually" and "Bad timing". :-) I understood both, didn't leave a comment though as the "Bad timing" really affected me a lot.
Yeah, the open fly thing had a tension of its own; while this one was a straight forward conversation between two people talking about an object; that people generally dread to talk about; anything associated with death is NO-NO
Thank you, will try and improve as I write.
Or maybe people didn't ask me about B Log because they didn't try figuring out what my name was :-P
ReplyDeleteI got the irony of you using POINT; and it really surprised me. I got it!!!
Lets stop talking about POINT; we have already given enough clue to others. :-D
Please do not stop "anti climax". I and many other readers of your blog like it.
ReplyDeleteI second SG...me too love it :))
ReplyDeleteYes good one! I'm getting ideas for a soon-to-come write up:P
ReplyDeletebrilliant
ReplyDeleteI like anti climax. Heck with any one who do not like it. You continue to write what you want and like. I am with you.
ReplyDeleteHi SG,
ReplyDeleteGlad :-) Sure, I wont stop. I think I am only good at that :-)
Thanks Neha, sure thing, will try more :)
ReplyDeleteHi kish,
ReplyDeleteWoo thanks :-) Now your next write up is a fiction?? Waiting for it :-)
Hi sm,
ReplyDeleteThank you
Hi vivek,
ReplyDeleteThanks, really. This is encouraging. I will try :-)
Whoa, the end was unexpected. Initially I thought he was ordering a sofa. Then I read about the hands and decided it must be about a bed. Was trying to visualise a bed with royal blue panels and failed miserably...and then this!
ReplyDeleteIt was really good.
Hello Insignia,
ReplyDeleteNow you're scaring me (not away, fortunately)! I thought, Stupidosaur was our only common blog-acquaintance. May I know which are the other blogs where you as well as I comment?
Okay, so you did mean to make someone appear foolish, right? :P
It is easier to disturb a more complex configuration as compared to something simpler! In fact, to some people my brain appears complicated is precisely because it is disturbed. You know, disturbed as in disorderly, as in disordered. But anyway, got to make the best of whatever little I have. :(
'Yay, I got rich virtually' was a very shoddy piece actually. Probably, not the best of my works. Of course, my best need not be good enough. You might like this post (click).
And for 'Bad timing' I could say, probably it's my best piece of 55-fiction. :) But I do apologize if you felt affected (disturbed?) because of it. I apologize because I had not provided sufficient warning that it could be disturbing. But I also very much appreciate your honesty (assuming you were not being sarcastic!) since it's become very fashionable to claim to like that kind of fiction. I personally don't like reading those kind of things, and I write them only as some sort of exercise in fictional devices. But if do hope it did give you a 'totally unexpected moment'. :)...
...And honestly, I've read only two pieces of your fiction, so I haven't been able to form an opinion. But whatever I have read so far, has been sufficiently good to make me look forward to more. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd being a fiction writer yourself, you would also know there is no absolute 'good' or 'bad' in things that cannot be quantified. Beauty, after all, lies in the eye of the beholder. ;)
With regard to the issue of your anonymity, firstly, I did not feel from the content of your blog that you would require it. Secondly, I did not even have to try hard to see the sphere with a diameter zero. I cannot read Malayalam(?) when written in Malayali script, but it's a different matter altogether when written in Roman characters! Also, something on your profile page too makes a point! But all this, assuming, you actually care for your anonymity. :)
TC.
PS: Going by how we're interacting, I would not ordinarily feel the need for this particular clarification, but in light of overwhelming number of strong comments insinuating in my feedback an element of attempt at discouragement, I could only state that, that was never the intention. :(
Oh, I just realized you've made only two attempts at fiction, both of which I've coincidentally gone through. Yes, so now I can certainly say, you've begun quite well!
ReplyDeleteBut yes, you may also try newer things to widen the horizon of your writing.
All the best!
Heh heh, I didnt see that twist coming. Jeeyo shaan se aur maro shaan se- isn't that how we should all ideally be?
ReplyDeleteInsignia, I went through ur archive today, and read few posts...commenting here as I dunno whether you will notice the comments there or not...I have been reading ur posts for couple of months now, and in such a short span of time, I knew you write really well...but after reading the earlier posts too, girl, take a bow...you have a style of your own, you are amazingly witty, honest and mature as a writer...
ReplyDeleteI have a request, can u please post some of your old work as a re-post whenever you are really busy and can't write a new post? I would really appreciate it...those posts are deserved to be read, as very few will go and visit ur old posts and read..
keep it up girl...:)
Hi Aparna,
ReplyDeleteThank you. Glad you liked it :-)
Hi Ketan,
ReplyDeleteHmm, I have come across a couple of other blogs and read your comments. I dont recall the names of those blogs though. But Stupido's blog is my favorite hop.
Hahahaha, finally....you got me!! You did appear foolish :-D
Bad timing - Yeah it did affect me in a negative way, as in I was disturbed. Honestly, I dont like to read such disturbing or tragic things. I rather prefer any 'totally unexpected moment' to be a happy one :-)
I have just started writing fiction....only two until now. And I hope they were pretty decent.
ReplyDeleteI liked the "sphere with a diameter zero" A nice definition to the POINT.
Oh yeah??? Maybe I have revealed lot of information about me that anonymity makes no more sense; and yes going by the content of the blog and the comments later. But yet I try to maintain whatever little anonymity spared. Oh yes, my profile page does reveal my name. But I really wonder ho many click it? Now I know, you did it.
PS : Its alright, no clarifications needed :-)
Hi Ketan,
ReplyDeleteI have just begun to write fiction. Thanks.
And I quite didn't get when you said "you may also try newer things to widen the horizon of your writing."
Is that w.r.t fiction? or generally? If it were fiction, yes I would give more tries. Otherwise, my genre is vast. I have covered a whole range of topics. Please click on any one under the "Categories"
Thank you and Take care :-)
Hey Parikshith,
ReplyDelete:-D Yeah! But how many of us jeethe hain shaan se aur marte hain shaan se???
Hi Neha,
ReplyDeletethanks a ton :-) How many of us go and read archives even though its very much there? We still wait for new posts.
And its really an honor to be getting such appreciations from you, a witty and sarcastic person I have ever seen on blog world.
I shall go ahead and re-post few of my older ones; as you say :-)
Hi!
ReplyDeleteYes, my horizon-point was in context of fiction only. More specifically as someone pointed out, maybe, writing more elaborate plots. Also, trying to develop character sketches, just describing them, without casting judgement on them.
I'd done a story (under the button 'story') called 'flickering lights'. The problem is I cannot recomment it to you. :) It is high on sadness, especially, in its ending. But if you may risk it, you could read the initial part of the story where I've tried to carry forward the story through description of gestures, how particular thoughts translate into choice of words, and how emotions translate into body language, and even trying to suppress those thoughts also lead to a particular body language!
You may stop reading the story at that point where Gautam and Monica finish their tea the second time in the story. After that story might not be to your linking. This is only the second story that I had written.
The first one--'Residua' is a largely, happy-ending one, and has element of surprise, too, but not of violent kind. Well, but it dwells very deep into emotions that are difficult to reason out. Not sure, if you would like it.
'Flickering lights' was like my 'professional' attempt at fiction, caring not for my convictions, but directed totally at giving the reader the "the unexpected moment" (thanks for this phrase, which I've really taken a liking to)!...
...Whereas, 'Residua' is sort of cathartic that somewhat helped me understand myself better, and was written without any intention of manipulating the readers' emotions. It was a story written in real-time, as in, as emotions 'happened' in my mind. :)
ReplyDeleteThe reasons I'm telling you of these stories are: obviously, I'd be happy if you read them, and so that you would be exposed to a few more styles of writing and plot development.
Also, there's a post on my favorite blogs that you might find interesting. You'll find some really good fiction writers (in my opinion) there. :)
And well to substantiate your claim of wanting 'the totally unexpected moment' (let me shorten it to TTUM, here on!) to be happy one maybe, you should've kept that as a bed only, and not a coffin! ;) Just joking.
And yes, I did go through your archive, that's how I came to know of your precise number of attempts at fiction! :) So, I have read around 10 posts of yours, already, mostly completely, some incompletely. Some places I don't comment, as I would not be able to relate to the post, some because, I wouldn't know what to comment! And somewhat also because, all our comments are turning into long drawn conversations! LOL! At least, one of us has got to be a very interesting person! You get to decide who it is! :P
TC.
Hi Ketan,
ReplyDeleteThank you for suggesting some of your fictions. I will sure read them. To confess, I am not a good story writer. But yet, I did try twice. :-) And I guess my uniqueness lies in my style. Yet, let me read more and see if I can "adopt" any.
Yeah, transforming the bed to coffin - isnt really a sad thing. Maybe people dont want to get associated with a coffin. But thats why the character in this plot was a young, energetic man with dynamism.
Maybe if I had brought it a personality who is sick and pale, then its sad for me. This story still made me happy and hope the readers were happy too :-)
You can choose to comment on the posts that you read; else leave it free. Yeah, as our to and fro comments are turning to full fledged conversations; I conclude that both of us are pretty 'uniquely' interesting :-P
Terse and Pithy....Your story's title speaks for its quality.....such perfection!! Keep Writing :)
ReplyDeleteHi Rohith,
ReplyDeleteThanks much. Glad you loved it :-)
i had to scroll for atleast one minute to comment here.. and as every1 said one of the best anti climatic short stories i've seen..
ReplyDeleteshd i take this as a rich guy's luxury at death or his preparation for his own death??
interesting thing u brought up here..
Thanks Vishnu. Glad you liked it.
ReplyDeleteWe can take it both the ways which requires some audacity and strength to prepare for his own death.
By the way, working on weekends does bring out such interesting thing :-P
Best content & valuable as well. Thanks for sharing this content.
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