"How do you feel about staying in your newly owned flat? " a friend asked me.
"Yeah.......OK" I replied nonchalantly.
He was surprised at my disinterested response. He made me realize my lackadaisical reaction and asked further if I am not excited about the new house. I suddenly felt uncomfortable. How was I supposed to react? Was I not happy about the house I bought with my hard earned money? Yeah I was, yet why was that excitement and that exhilaration missing in me?
"Do you know what you have accomplished?" he tried again to bring that euphoria in me. I just kept numb. I really dont know. Was it that I was taking my blessing for granted? Is it my attitude; supported by a steady income? Didnt I care for my 'achievement'? Is it because I had it easy in my life?
No, I didnt have it easy in my life. I did not have beyond 5 Rs during school. My parents didnt give me pocket money; that Rs 5 was for emergency situations. I bought my first cellphone with my first salary. I bought my car with my hard earned money. I didnt inherit anything; that has made me more capable and independent.
So, is it the attitude? I am capable sorts? What if that MNC had not offered me my dream job the moment I applied for it? I had no other choice, no other networks or contacts. I did not have a backup offer or a backup plan. I didnt need any other choice :) I knew they found me; they need me. Now is this attitude? Whatever I have achieved, its due to me sheer hard work and dedication. That blind gutsy feeling that I can accomplish sails me through rough seas.
What would give me true euphoria if not my own house or my luxury sedan?
Is it discovering that beautiful orange mushroom 'Cocaina' as I trekked in the rain forests of Costa Rica? Is it watching the fog playing hide and seek at the Jog falls. Is it the feeling of the star fish wriggling at my touch in the white beaches of Mauritius. Or is it walking on the road while it was pouring heavily and others under shelter watching me and wondering if I was sane?
Is it the girly giggle I had 5 years ago when a Japanese at the Singapore airport told me I was pretty and gave me a lollipop and helped me with my baggage and parted with a hug? Or is it that when someone who chose to not keep in touch with me pops up a day and thanks me profusely for the support and parts with a "You are really a nice person".
Or when the dog wags its tail in gratitude or when the cat purrs seeing you back home and snuggles in your lap? Or when my manager gives me a huge responsibility and says he believes that I can deliver it? Or when that little girl comes over and we share a tiny piece of diary milk? Or when I found a travel magazine to read when I was locked out of my house for 3 hours? Or when I finally managed to find a rain stick and bought it? Or when I demand for that extra strawberry sauce topping on my ice cream and relish it without any sense of the surrounding?
I cant pick one from here. Each of these incidents has delighted me; it has given me that sense of euphoria which I did not get when I sat inside my newly bought car or when I bought my flat. For me joy is in simple things life has to offer....
The cocaina and the travel magazine and the fog and the lollipop......For me, joy is in finding that rain stick, getting drenched in rain, in the dog's wagging, in the cat's purring, in relishing the strawberry sauce............
Am I crazy to not value what I possess in materials? Is it because I am getting them easy. I dont know; but joy to me are not from material things. Next time, dont ask me how I feel about driving an auto transmission luxury sedan. I am just going to shrug it off.