Saturday, July 2, 2011

More than Love

A couple of Nicholas Sparks romantic novels has put me in a reverie. For a hopelessly romantic person like me, these novels have been adding fuel to the fire.

Aggravating it is a recent Tamil film song from the movie "180". The song is "Nee Korinaal". The song gives me goosebumps but the visuals cheat me. Throughout the song, the heroine discovers hidden sweet-nothings, gifts and romantic verses written by her beau on her birthday.

This can definitely happen only in movies and novels.Which girl does not believe in a fairy tale love, prince charming sweeping her feet off and all that shit!!

Yeah! you read that right. SHIT! I could say Shit doesnt really happen. But mind over matter, you still yearn for those mushy mushy lovey-dovey kind of episodes to happen :) Ask your girlfriend or your wife, she might surely answer in affirmative.

Now I am pondering over the obvious - LOVE.

How should it be? We seek love, to be loved forever, to be loved the way we were loved yesterday, the previous day. We want it to encompass us forever. Is it self-destructive? Why cant love be treated as any other emotion? I am sad and I cry today. Do I wish to cry forever? No!! Do I wish to be giggling forever? Thats insane!!

More often than not, being in love means going through emotional upheavals. Why cant it be peaceful? Why does love bring so much grief? Why do we care two hoots to pain and discomfort that comes with love? Remember the moth-flame analogy? Is love that destructive? Why not look at love as a rain on a parched land? We get obsessed with it than able to put it aside as a part of life than the life itself.

More than that its the expectation that we have from a relationship. When in love, we put in all our energies and attention on the loved ones and suffocate it slowly but surely. Does it have to be so obsessive that you want to own each and every aspect of the loved one? Just take what you care for, make the most of the moments together. Avoid delving deep, you cannot have everything, enjoy what you have and avoid yearning for more.

But we hope of an elusive, everlasting love which is unreal. You know it, I know it, yet we are in quest of a bigger pleasure which is unproven; suffocating and killing what could be a refreshing ephemeral pleasure. If we could delve deep and figure out what we are trying to achieve, it seems that we tend to try to fulfill ourselves, try to fulfill that void and loneliness which no one could fill but us. We use it as a door to fulfill all our dreams and expectations. Dont we realize that we are smothering that delicate relationship?

So, instead of grieving what we cannot get out of a relationship, wont it be better to celebrate what we get? No one is perfect, one cant satiate his/her own quest, then how can you expect your quest to be satisfied by others? What if he cannot give all his love to you? What if you have to share it with others? Have you thought if you can do without what you get now? If so, bravo! It requires lot of guts and its appreciable.

In a life of turbulence, when a person's presence can you give a momentary happiness, does it matter if that person is truly and wholly devoted to you or not? That moment gives you energy? Yeah? Then why not relish that and leave the rest unperturbed?

The mistake we do is let love take over us as a deeply emotional and intense entity - disturbing and alarming.  Let it loose, let it not control you, use the short gist of happiness to fuel the rest of your life. No one; none can ever devote 100% to you or your concerns. Get yourself in a life or death situation and you will know - what you choose. Love will take a backseat. "I love you more than anything" is a bunkum.

All said and done, mind is a monkey :-P But this surely helps right? Now I am going back to a third Nicholas Sparks novel. I will surely get out of my reverie once I read the last page of the novel :)


  1. "I love you more than anything" is not a bunkam, at least in my mind.

  2. You suffer from OCD girl! keep the shit aside!

    When I started reading, someone gave me a Mills and Boon..I swore after that that I would never ever touch another one by the same author! I can't even stand Daniel Steel!

    Loved the post and the emotions..couldn't agree more! :P

  3. Nothing holds right when it comes to love. It's just insanity, IMO.

  4. What you wrote there is lot of sense.I mean real SENSE.But,as you urself know,however reasonable we are,truth is that love is not always REASONING.What I always say is,I don't need a love without some 'reason' and mere 'reason'with out love..You can just balance If you really want to work on it.Like today,one of my friends been asking me,'Do you think your hubby is making you happy the way you need ?" My answer couldn't wait Insignia.I replied,"who said my pleasure is with him ? I find and always found my own happiness".And after a few hours after that,when I read this,I am just smiling..
    (the grief part,of course is the expectations and conditions that unknowingly creep into most of the relations..If I start talking on this,ha ha you will stop blogging..Most of them call it

    Keep rocking you sweet girl ..!

  5. Your post disturbed me. I read it quite a few times.

    “when a person's presence can you give a momentary happiness…..Then why not relish that and leave the rest unperturbed”. So, your approve of one-night stands?

    “Get yourself in a life or death situation and you will know - what you choose”. Do you really think if you are in danger, someone who sincerely loves you (eg. Your husband) will run away from the scene to save himself only? I don’t think so. Personally, I will never do that.

  6. Wow!! That was one powerful post !! Well said:)

  7. Hmmm... Commenting on your rather lengthy take on love can be even more lengthier.

    I agree with you on all counts. Firstly, we should understand that 'love' or for that matter any emotion, emanates from you as a response to a situation or a person etc. 'I love you' or 'he loves me' - all has I as the centre. Why does the same person or situation evokes different reactions in different people? Like M Krishnan Nair wrote long ago, At a waterfall, there would be people who gaze at it for its beauty and there would be people who would be calculating the volume/sec, the amount of electricity that can be generated..

    "I love you more than anything" is a bunkum."

    Not really. It is all a matter of priorities. When Sophie in 'Sophie's Choice' chooses one child over the other to live, it is a matter of priority. Sometimes, oneself takes a backseat - let me see - if I am asked to make a choice between my life and my son's, I would any day let death take mine. That's because I love him more than I love myself, because he is me, because he is part my creation ( my best creation) - also my biological instincts of ensuring the survival of my genes at work.

    You love because you choose to. You love, because - you love y-o-u-r-s-e-l-v-e-s.

    And then in the sublime moment of love, the duality is lost. You become one with the other. But like you said, do not expect it to be forever; relish the moment. Remember my poem,'So that you know how much I had loved you'?

  8. @ Balachandran,

    Thanks Mr. Balachandran. You wrote:

    "Sometimes, oneself takes a backseat - let me see - if I am asked to make a choice between my life and my son's, I would any day let death take mine. That's because I love him more than..."

    I salute you. That is the way I am also. I will take a bullet for the 4 people I love the most in my life.


  9. I would say only one thing -sirf ehsaas hai ye rooh se mahsoos karo pyar ko pyar hi rehne do koi naam na do.

  10. I don't know where to start commenting on love. Like everything else in my life, my thoughts on LOVE also vary with time. At times I think its good to have someone "loving you more than anything else". At other times I am quite happy just being loved and cared for.

    I am sure you were not referring to one night stands there. I do understand what you mean. But, at some point, mind being a monkey. ( :P ) it always yearns for the fairy tale(read complete) love. I do believe that everyone has a secondary life that they live inside their heads. There the love of their life makes entry. At times that face is the same as the one you share your life with. At times you might not be so lucky. Its an escapism from the harsh reality of life!

    I am staying away from romance novels for a while. It has been doctor recommended to do so! :D Expectations can be bad for an aging heart! He he...

  11. This is a very different post from your stable !

    Love has many takes. In my opinion, the best ones are the ones that hold despite differences !

    To accommodate. To compromise. yet to understand and reach out ! And yes, SHIT happens and fairy tales are in wonderland. Yet, love sustains !

  12. You have hit the nail on the head. I always say that it is our expectations that let us down. Like you said, celebrate what we have instead of grieving over what we don't. Exactly my philosophy too! In my relationship personally, there have been moments of extreme delight, happiness and passion and there were moments of disappointments too. When down, I reflect over those beautiful memories and the strength and joy they give me is immense. Love is not always joy but overall definitely it enhances your life.

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  14. B, where are you heading to????
    Oh yes you know where to, you got a sane head on your shoulders and the Post amplifies that.

    Life, it is not, "and they lived happily ever after" and certainly not a hand in hand serenading into the sunset - a'la Mills & Boon or Barbara Cartland novels.

    Perhaps, we are too possessive of ourselves, of our happiness that we stifle the other and call it "love". We need to be loved and pampered, cared for and looked after more than any emotionally, physically, socially and every which way, that we refuse to let go the other, fearing that we may lose what we hold dear- ‘ourselves’. We tag our happiness on to what we want others to do. Don’t you think so?

    And certainly the adage that "I love you more than anything", is bullshit .Who loves someone more than “Self”?

    Balan's comment about foregoing one’s life for one’s own creation need not, in my opinion be seen as emotional or sentimental. It is a matter of fact feeling that is in Mans chemistry, because we are possessive of our creations too. But there are aberrations and exceptions to that crude rule.And the feelings that prompted such a statement from him may be seen as one such.

    On the whole, I cannot agree more with your general observations on the subject. And yes indeed one night stand is also love, love for one’s carnal satisfaction. Is someone out there thinking different?

    Certainly if someone says, I love you more than one can ever could, read it as for your comfort “I love you more than one might ever would”, then you may be somewhere not far away from truth .
    If we think otherwise we are fools.

  15. Nice post.. You have made perfect use of the word "obsessed"...Couldn't agree more.. this is the main reason why relationship dies.

    This is a must read post for everyone :)

  16. Hey bindu ! long after the day you told me about your blog, today i came to read it, and Oh My God ! your words are like you want to write a novel just as tough as possible.

    anyway, your blog design is very nice and your words makes the reader motivated to continue. i liked your style although it was such a sad post. but again i wondered if there is something missed in your personal life. you know feels like "what is wrong with her personal life?". i could'nt realize if it is the effects of that novel or the real life.
    but after all, i wish you love, fun and healthy life ahead.

    your iranian friend , Farhad

  17. wow !!

    These are the words I will definitely say to the above posted phrases.
    The emotions were true and I could agree with every single line written.

    Loved it.!!

  18. I wonder how long do you take to think,plan and write such meanigful posts.
    How else can one explain your ever growing fan list.

  19. By now you must be knowing how hopeless a romantic I am :-) and I do agree with you.. the lesser you expect out of love, the more happy you are when in love :-)
    and never red Nicholas Sparks.. will try it next time on... bwn since you said you are a hopeless romantic am sure you wouldn't have missed out on P.S. I love you :-)
    ....and thanks for sharing the info of the song.. have't listened to 180 yet.. rather didn't get the time.. but now that you mentioned.. let me just go and please my ears...

  20. SG,

    To each his own. I respect your opinion. Thanks.


    Yes, I am suffering from OCD+ :-D

    Just realize that they are all a work of fiction :)


    :-) Haa we make it that way


    Well put, yes but at times its not worth to find a reason and love is not worth a reason. We tend to expect more out of love or from people whom we love.

    Exactly, its when you realize your happiness is within you and not from a person you love that you feel liberated :) Its simple yet tough :)


    My post shouldnt disturb anyone. These are just my thoughts.

    When I wrote this statement, I was not referring to one-night stands.

    Yes, my husband will never run away from the scene to save himself if I am in danger. This is more than love. I am talking only about love here.


    :-) Thanks, glad you agree


    Yes why does the same person evoke a different reaction in different people? Or why does the same person evoke a different reaction at different time? You dont get what you expect and love diminishes...isnt it?

    Balan, I agree when you say you will die for your child. Thats human nature, basic instinct.
    Anil has explained it better.

    Yes, its when the duality is lost that you can talk about sacrificing yourself; but its not love anymore. It is beyond that, It has passed that stage :)




    Haha yeah I can understand. I dont really believe in "someone loving you more than anything else". We all love ourselves more than anybody...

    Yes, I dont deny that. Even after self realizing all these facts, I do yearn that fairy tale story. You got it! Escapism - is love a way to escape our drudgery? Its when we try to use love to escape do we end up being disappointed.


    :-) for a change

    Yes, thats the basis of love isnt it? Compromise, respect, accommodate....


    You got it right :) Just do that for few days and we realize how happy we are :) We realize we dont need anyone to make us feel special. :)

  21. hey B,

    ninga ezhudhinadu purinja maadhiri irukku...aana puriyale.. :)

  22. Anil,

    :-) It takes a lot to learn this lesson :-)

    You have put it right without mincing words. Yes, can we love someone else more than ourselves? We are just too possessive of our happiness; that we are scared to let go of it.

    We dont want to lose it, we are selfish!!

    One night stand :-) I cant help but smile at your statement. You hit the nail on the head.

    Now I am tempted to write about one night stand :-P


    Thanks, if people like us realize few things, we all can be happy isnt it?


    Surprise to see you here :)

    Thank you. Glad you liked this space and my writing.

    This is not a sad post but the reflection of reality and its nothing related to my personal life :) Its just that I ponder on a lot of things and this post is a result of such one. Nothing serious :)

    I am glad you stopped by.


    :-) Thanks. I am glad you could relate to them.

    Chowla sir,

    Oh! thank you sir. I am honored. My mind never sleeps. I keep pondering over things in general; and somehow fortunately I am able to seamless express it here. More than that, I am lucky to have readers as you who keep encouraging me to do better :)


    Haha I know what you mean. You come up with beautiful and "ideal" love stories :D

    You should read Nicholas Sparks, you will surely like his stories.

    Oh! yes I did read P.S I Love You 4 years ago and yeah! I loved it :)

    Hear to that song, its damn beautiful - esp Karthik's voice :)


    Haha avlo kozapittaeno? :-P

  23. Heard.. n loved it.. do let me know in case you come across such beautiful songs :-)

  24. Beautiful and thought provoking post... !!

  25. Emreen,

    Thanks, glad you liked.

    Welcome to B Log :) Keep visiting :)

  26. A bunch of arguments and difference in opinion might come out when you deal with a topic like Love. Nevertheless, It's nice that you summed up your views about it.

    I think this materializes the thoughts of many people about the subject, but which has been wandering in their minds in a vague sense only. Who knows, this post might even help someone out unknowingly :)

  27. Boy,

    Get to my age :) Come back and read this post :)


I'd love to know what you thought :-) Please shoot!