Couple of Inches

Its not the philospohical "Let Go" to manage your stress and time kinda thing. Not even the "Let Go" to seize opportunities for different things kind. Its the "Let Go" moment when I think I've accepted the harsh realities.

Ask a women - what can she part with? Her clothes or her family. I bet most would choose the latter. Well, now not in literal sense. But yeah, clothes and accessories form an integral part of women; how much ever she says she is not the girlie kind. Every women has her type of clothes and accessories she would cling to for her life and would want to take them to her grave if permitted.

My favorite denims fit no longer; some of my sheer beautiful tops fit no longer. But they are still there in my closet. I take them out once in a while, try them on, they don't fit. I fold and put them back in my closet only hoping that I might be able to wear them someday. There are types of such garments. I want to grade them.

Choker : Ones in which your flesh can't even sneak through. You try, push, gasp and push and resign to believe you can never ever fit into unless you get thin by some miracle.

Squeezer : I would like to call the ones that you can squeeze in somehow but gasp for air. Your flesh pops out here and there; fugly!! (thats f***ing ugly)

Sneaker : Those clothes which you can sneak in but its gonna hug you tight and you don't want your love handles to show up. Which cloth can comfortably hide the love handles???

So these clothes keep taunting and teasing you to try them on; only to mock at you as to how funny you look in them. I am defeated; I know I can never wear them on; forget wearing them. I've gotten old as well isn't it? A lace lined top looks so girlie! and the cartoon print ones? Ewww! What about the ones with one-liners? "Now that I am here, what are your other two wishes?" Yuck!!

To find all those discarded jeans and tops in there - should I feel happy about the fact that I am living in hope? One day! Yeah, one day I can wear them - comfortably. I will be back in shape - the sticky thin figure I was before I was a woman and when I was a girl. Aren't they a symbol of desperation? Or is it the affirmation of my will power?

Now! I have so many of the hardly worn once clothes. I look at them on mannequins and think I can fit into them. Why don't I realize the hips on the mannequins are barely there whereas I have a generous proportion of it? It ain't that bad. I have heard comments that made my day...err..did it? It was always shrouded in doubt. My doctor recently said "You are a slim women" following with a comment related to medication. I've also heard friends say "You don't look you are reaching 31" or "Bindu, you have gone thin". Oh! a neighbor's dad who had come down for a holiday said "Oh! is that you. I thought it was some girl on her way to college"

Damsel in distress! only that not for a knight in shining armor to save her but to make sure the lifestyle doesn't take a toll on her physical fitness. But slim or college-going like or whatever, fat around the hips is here to stay!!! Accept it, yes I do. What is a flat belly worth without my white sauce creamy pasta or that lip smacking rice and sambhar!!!

So the realization struck and I've attained nirvana I guess. I like to think that there are unflattering facts and good to accept for your own peace. Should I keep those clothes? They could motivate me; looking at them can get me to lose that fat. Maybe I'll keep one for reference sake; you know what I mean?

But yeah; last night; I wore or tried to wear every top and trouser and paraded in front of my husband to check what I should keep and what I should let go! I don't think he enjoyed the parade. The ones that don't fit anymore have gone to charity - yeah someone much needed gets to wear Levis, Jealous 21, Bare denim and Basics...Oh common!!

A couple of inches really is what I've gained!!!