The Reunion at Nuwara Eliya

Next destination after Kandy was Nuwara Eliya. I was very very particular that we do all the learning intensive trip in the beginning and chilling out and relaxing stuff later. So after brushing with history and culture, we gradually got into the relaxing mood. The first step towards it was Nuwara Eliya.

Its a hill country; got reminded of Idukki a lot seeing all those tea plantations. The colonial air is still present in the form of bungalows, post office, clubs and tea factories from that era still functional. One can wallow in its nostalgia of bygone era by visiting these buildings, old English style lawns and gardens.

Its also the only district in SL where the Indian Tamils form the majority with over 50% of the population. They are mostly tea plantation workers whose ancestors were brought to SL by the British from India in 19th century.

The icing on the cake was my husband's reunion with his ancestral family. His mom's ancestors probably migrated from India to work in tea factories and plantations. All his cousins but my husband and his siblings were born in Lanka. He tells me stories that his mom shared with them. They moved back to India in 1972 due to the pressure by then Bhandarnaike government to leave their country. So even though it was their land and they were born there; it seemed they had to surrender their land, property, assets and their earnings and flee their country or else were threatened to "be skinned alive and wear the skin as slippers". Such announcements were made until people fled. So his grandparents left the country with their kids; traveled by train to Mannar and boarded a ship back to India to never return. Its so ironical and sad for Indian Tamils since they were tricked by the British and forcefully hoarded them to work as plantation workers in other countries and now the so called rightful owners of the land, the real descendants of the Lord wanting the 'aliens' to leave so that they can cleanse themselves!!

Anyway, so one of the hidden agenda for my husband was to touch base and initiate contact with long lost family. He made sure that we had Nuwara Eliya in our plan even though I insisted its going to be like Idukki which we have visited numerous times. All we knew was information provided by his cousin who had a faded memory since he left the country when he was 10 years old. We knew the name of the estate they worked and searched for the estate; we traveled 40 kms from the town seeking directions before we found the estate; thanks to our Sri Lankan friend Indika who was sweet. Talked to few people outside the factory and tried to see if anyone identifies with one name who was probably staying/stayed there. After half hour, someone identified the name and we got the lead. I and Indika could not help but notice his joy of meeting his relatives; Indika felt a sense of elation as well for being part of the experience and satisfaction for having helped Velu meet his relatives. I always believe whatever happens its for good. I saw the conditions of his relatives and other Indian Tamils and until now; they were treated as war criminals. They were suppressed, harassed and always looked with suspicion as heard from his third cousin. Its obvious when you see their eyes sparkle as soon as we said we are from India and we know Tamil. Lot of questions, quest to know about their ancestral country, a map of TN adorning walls; they are more Tamils than Lankans.
 
My husband's relatives are living in a shanty house, probably the ones existing since early 1900s, no improvements, poor standard of living. There was disbelief, surprise, realization, happiness and longing to visit India and their relatives. If not for an old lady who recognized his mom; we would not have found them. His mom's parents might have left the country with a heavy heart but their children and their grand children definitely have a life worth dying for!

Whom to blame? The innocent Indians who were tricked by British? The cunning British? or the vicious so called real locals of the land?

Related post : No country for good men

The Estate - faintly remembered by his cousin

The Tea factory of the estate. Operational since 1940s

The broken road leading to the factory

The row of houses; the house in which his relatives stay was frequented by his mom when she was kid during 1960s

With the folks. 

I promise to post picturesque Nuwara Eliya in my next post :)

Coward

Note : This is a work of fiction. Every time I try my hands on poem reflecting an emotion; I have been asked if its my personal experience. No not necessarily :)

He pursued and begged;
He cried and yearned;  

She gave in with a Yes,
lending her support to
fill his vacuum.
He said he'd love her, forever

He said he placed no one above her,
He said he needed her till his death,

A day arrived; when he remained silent
She did not know
that the silence is forever
How could she?
when the change was overnight
She did now realize; his
was not a need, but a want
that lasted until 

He found a new love
She being now stale

He hid away; in silence
scared to face her
chicken hearted that he was,
gutless to tell the truth
a spineless worm that he was
avoiding her; while

She kept waiting
unaware of his decision

She kept waiting
for him to come back to her
when she tried to talk
he remained silent
when she learnt the truth
he chose a mere 'sorry'

when she demanded a reason

it was loyalty, to his new found love

Leaving her flabbergasted; he ran away

Coward - thats his name

An ode to those who matter to me

There are few people who have a profound effect on you. Not those famous ones whose biography you read or any famous personality whose ideologies you try to follow. These are people who are simple and around us. When you look at them, they seem so ordinary that you would not take a second look. But when you actually analyze, you realize how much impact they have had on your life, how they have influenced you and have formed a part of you. You ARE bits and pieces of so many people whom you have come across at one point of life; and even though the meeting is short, they would have had a lasting impression on you.

I write about so many things. I thought why not dedicate a post to all those wonderful souls who have influenced me to enjoy my life.  Life can never be perfect, you would all agree. There is no beauty to life if its all rosy and perfect. However, with all those pain and sorrows, remains hidden the subtle beauty and joy that we have to unearth. For that we need to overlook those sorrows and pain and look beyond it.

A blogger asked me how is that you can be so happy all the time. I said NO I am not happy always. In fact, I get depressed more often than necessary. Then he told me that all my posts are so cheerful, humorous and positive. I replied "Yes, they are. Doesnt mean I dont have any sorrows in my life. Its not that I am happy 24/7. I have people annoying me at work. I have situations at home that makes me sad. Everyone has it. So what? Doesnt mean I have to crib"

Anyway, so here is my ode to people who have made me. I want to mention few folks who have changed my life, who have made me see life and the world in whole new dimension, who have made me to smile and dismiss any unpleasant situation, who have made me appreciate simple things in life. I am not going to mention the obvious people like mom, dad, husband......but people whom I have met accidentally and without any expectations the relationship turned wonderful. those people whose certain qualities I appreciated and tried to imbibe in me. The list is not in any order of preference.

GAUTAM

I know now he will start shivering. According to Gautam, he is the most casual and laid back guy with no particular purpose. He was introduced to me by my friend's friend. He was the last person whom I began talking to in that group. Yet, he is so close to me than others. It happens right? You strike the right chord and everything falls into place. This guy has taught me to appreciate simple things in life. Be it a stale bread, or a simple tasteless coffee or a murky road or a so ordinary landscape. He savors even the boring of the moment like waiting to pick your baggage from the carousel and admires the most ordinary sight like a woman carrying her child on her hip.

I started to admire more the beauty of nature and the happenings around us. My photography skills is also due to him....I started experiencing beauty all around me.

SHYAM

This man probably doesnt even have slightest of an idea that I am inspired by him. He would in fact think that I am ridiculing him. He taught me to love oneself. He taught me to treat my body as temple and take care of it. I started loving myself. If you dont love yourself, who else will? A person who always encourages to do what your heart says and encourages to express thoughts. He is also the person who instilled in me the seed to appreciate music irrespective of the language. I was into music earlier but was confined to a genre or a language, his perception towards music made me realize that even a baby's shrill cry is a music. I still remember the day when we went on a long drive to a mountain in California and he sang

"unnaale unnaale vinnaalachchendrene
unn munne unn munne mei thaazha nindrene...."

It still gives me goose bumps. After that, my passion for music grew stronger and I opened myself to different genre and appreciated a lot. He doesnt have a speck of an idea about his effect on me. Yeah, not to forget those amazing drives in his BMW :-)

MISS VIMALA GABRIEL

She was my English and Geography teacher in high school. This lady was ruthless and always criticizing. I never liked her. She has made me cry so many times in front of the class for my lack of knowledge in Geography and English. I still remember her words "Girls, you need to be observant".  Much later did I realize her intent was not to mock at me but to improve me. Even though I dont approve her way of teaching even today, I salute her for making me what I am. My command over English, my observation habit is solely due to her.

SABHA

He was my mentor when I first started working. More than learning technical stuffs from him, I learnt other things that is needed to be a person. One important thing I learnt from him was to be considerate. Be it promptly replying to emails or returning phone calls or SMS, or getting back to what has been promised, he was prompt. Be it at work or otherwise, he is a man of words. How can someone so busy with so many things in life still remember to return calls or respond promptly? The same quality is inseparable from me now.

HARPAL SINGH

I first met him 4 years back in California. I asked my hotel reception to book a cab for me and then I see this cab driver. He was regular then on, eventually sharing information about each other. He is a Punjabi, calm and poised, his struggle in life without education and his struggle to earn a living in USA away from wife and children is really an inspiration. This man respects me so much, I dont know if I deserves so much of respect from such an elderly man. He often says "You have been my best customer". Shares all his family problems with me, shares such hardships he faces in life that he cant share with his wife. He talks to me about it and asks me for my opinion and advice. I can trust him more than I trust myself. I learnt to respect every life on this planet after meeting him. Everyone and everything deserves respect.

ABHISHEK

My classmate during my engineering days and my buddy later. Will be a buddy throughout. I learnt from him the never say die attitude and anything is possible belief. I learnt the meaning of dedication and focus from him. But one thing I chide him even now is his lack of punctuality.

SANJU

My junior in college and my closest buddy. I got the "so what?" attitude from him. I started gaining confidence in whatever I did and always succeeded. He does not even realize that. Stupid fellow. Though an idiot, he has been with me through thick and thin and is a wonderful human being. Even an irrelevant HI from me makes his day, such a beautiful person.

MADHAVI

If you have observed, I have had only guys in my list except for my teacher. Somehow I cant relate to women. No offense, but I have had only bad experiences with them. Guys have been my best buddies, may be because I am a tom boy. But this lady is one I look forward to being with. We met each other 2.5 years ago when both of us changed to a new job. She is the first one to figure out if something is bothering me and make sure I am fine. She is ever caring and like my elder sister. I can always talk to her about my problems and she will have time to listen to me. I have grown so much fond of her that I dont go to office if she is on leave :-)

All these people dont even have an idea how they have influenced me and my life; but I would thank them throughout my life. This ode is just my humble bit.

Reminiscences

When you have lot of work in hand, or when you are feeling so tired and your body is not cooperating; you happen to lay your hands on an old photo album or a nearly torn letter or that one page of a book in which is hidden a dried rose but still exuding that volatile fragrance...............................Your eyes sparkle and your lips bloom with a faint smile.

I bet this must have happened at least once to each of us. When you are frantically searching for some important document; you come cross an old letter from your friend; when you are searching for some important email; you have that one last "Good Bye" mail from your loved one. Then, you forgot that important work waiting for you and get lost in time and thoughts.

However bitter those moments were; how much ever pain and sorrows those moments caused; reminiscing them brings a smile on your lips even though tears flow out. You recall those days of intense emotions and true feelings. Now, it would seem silly or funny. It would make you wonder "Aww!! we fought for such a stupid thing!! " or "Oh! I was a die hard pursuer, wasn't I?" It would make you chuckle "Gosh!, Did I express such intense feeling for him/her?"

Its not that the feelings were false, its just that you have evolved. You learn from it and move it. The feelings remain but its not as intense as it were earlier and it loses its relevance as you move on.

After few years, you get an opportunity to meet the same person; when things have changed with each other and each one seemed to have moved on; there is that pinch within you whenever those days come in to your picture. If you have a very good photographic memory; when you could recall each and every moment; then its a test to your restraining capability and will power not to get intoxicated by the person's presence. You try hard not to go overboard and not get exhilarated.

I was reading few emails this morning at 12.30 instead of sleeping. My body wanted to hit the sack; but I carried on reading emails after emails; 3 years older ones; most of them seemed silly now. But how much sense it made then; how serious I was when typing each word then; how it came from the bottom of my heart. But now; it seemed funny.

Oh yeah! I attended a karoke club anniversary show this Saturday where my dear friend sang as well. It was a 6 hour show and being passionate about music, my senses were treated with wonderful songs. Here is a piece of one of the songs he sang. If he comes to know that I put it here; I don't know what his reaction would be.

So folks, hear to it and depending on the comments I get; I will decide whether to confess my action to him or keep it under wraps. :-P

The video and the audio quality is not that great as it was captured with my camera. Yet, its pretty decent, so please put up with the quality :-)

By the way, the song just suits this post.

I miss her!!

For two evenings, I could hear feeble whimpers as if it were from a distance. I just ignored it away thinking it was nothing. You see, I am a very private person. I don't venture out of my house unless absolutely required. So on an average, I would step out of the main door, only once!! To go to office. Being me, I never really knew who my next door neighbors were, whats happening around, absolutely a big NO-NO to loose talks and gossips. I have avoided people who have approached with noble intentions too, for the fear of getting dragged into loose talks and such.

So, when I constantly heard these feeble cry, after 2 days, I went out to inspect what that noise was. It was dark and I almost missed, when I noticed in the tiny area under the staircase, snugged in a thin cloth, 2 tiny kittens. They were, maybe 2-3 weeks old, still struggling to walk. It was around this time of the year, last year. The weather was chilly and there were occasional rains. My heart goes out to helpless creatures as these, being a very sensitive person, I cant walk away if I see a street puppy lying injured on the road.

Thus, I felt pity for these 2 kids, I wanted to let them into my house so that they can be warm and be fed. But at the same time, I was scared that I might end up being attached to them and it would end up in pain. With this dilemma, I still gave them company by sitting outside on the floor beside them and fetched milk from my house for them to drink. This went on for 2 days or so. They got accustomed to me and would run inside as soon as the door was opened, even though fewer times, I have picked them up and put them back to their place. Soon I gave up. I started letting them in, they were still kids, needed warmth, coziness. They got their share of food on time. Enough milk was stored in a cup for the two during daytime even while I was away on work.

One kitten was white, the other one dark. One evening, the white one reluctantly and cautiously walked inside my house. It was getting along well with me, all this while, the other kitten was observing its sibling and checking if it were indeed safe to get acquainted with a stranger. Once it was satisfied, it followed. As I studied their behavior later, the white one was gutsy, willing to take chances; while the other was always on the safer side. After a while, the white one snugged into my lap and wanted to sleep, the dark one followed again. They both wouldn't let me go.

I was sitting cross-legged on the floor, while they slept. And I had to sit in the same position for more than 4 hours, as I didn't want to disturb them. Even though cats take short naps, short naps are more frequent with wake-up time as less as 2 minutes. With kittens, its still further frequent.

The 2 kittens getting cozy on my lap.

This became regular everyday. As soon as I came from work, they would come and jump onto my lap and sleep, while I sat in the same position for nothing less than 2 hours. Late night, I used to carry them back to their sleeping place outside and leave them there, unwillingly. They too would pine to get inside, the cold would almost kill them.

Fast asleep

I learnt from my neighbor that the kittens' mother left them here and didn't come back. As they were kids, no one wanted to shoo them away. About a week later, I found the white kitten missing. I was worried, inquired and later found that someone took it away as they wanted a pet. I prayed that it was safe somewhere. The other kitten now was lonely. My emotions overcame my logical thinking and I decided I would take care of this one henceforth.

The usual play routine

The kitten grew, in the beginning it was very playful, always wanted someone to play with it. We used to play for hours together, spent my weekends playing non-stop with it. It would just climb on me and rest on my shoulder, its favorite place when I cooked in the kitchen. Its claws have scratched me and has inflicted wounds a couple of times when I lost quite an amount of blood, considering the fact that I have Vitamin K deficiency. I was advised to vaccinate myself which I did. I also vaccinated the kitten.

On my shoulder - her favorite place

Each evening, when I would still be a bit away from home, it knew I was there. Would run up to me and climb all over me. My neighbors gave their useless piece of advice, the hairs it sheds are unhealthy, take care and that it would urinate and make the place filthy. I firmly but politely told that I would take care of all that.
Still, they tried their vices, a window was left open for the cat to get in and get out in absence of people at home. When we were away, one of the neighbor used to close the window shut depriving the cat of a entry or an exit. So I made sure the kitten didn't litter at any place that would make people furious and took great care to keep the surroundings clean - this involved cleaning the poop most times. As she grew, she longed for feeds other than milk. I am a hard core vegetarian, but made sure she got her share of fish everyday.

Any soft and warm place would do to catch a nap

As soon as it knew I came home, it would purr and scratch against the door, impatient for me to enter home and sooner, would jump on me. During its stay, I learnt a lot about cat behaviors. What they do, when they wanted to be cared for, whats their reaction if chided and all that. Its expectations every evening was that I stroke its head while it got familiar with my scent, remain on my lap for a couple of minutes until it made sure that it indeed knew me. It seems the cats think of humans as CATS and they expect the reciprocation of the display of affection

As days went by, kitten grew and now it was no more playful. Its behavior was new to me, later realized that it was looking for a partner. She was ready for breeding. Noticed a tom cat around our neighborhood who was trying hard to woo her. Madam was impressed and she used to go out with him frequently, sometimes making out in front of everyone, oblivious to the surroundings. People got fodder to speak about and they again confronted me that there were kids and such actions are not acceptable. I managed to shoo away the Tom cat. But he would stealthily come and pursue her and she would go away.

This was the Tom Cat whom I am talking about here

This went on for a month or so. In between, we were away on a trip for 3 days leaving the poor thing to be tended by one of our known person. He informed that she wouldn't eat, and just sat at one place, brooding. I couldn't forgive myself for leaving her and vowed never to travel leaving her alone.

Cats have a habit of going away unannounced and have their private time. As such, this one used to go away and return after few hours. They would be loitering somewhere near their familiar surrounding. They sometimes forget their home. At such times, all that needs to be done is go around your house, the streets and keep calling them. They would be in hiding and only venture after dark, but if they hear any familiar voice, they would come out of the hiding. This cat used to go away frequently. First time, I was really scared and worried that its lost. I figured out that this was their normal behavior. Many a times, I would just stand outside my home and call it and it wold respond from either a neighbor's building or a nearby garden with a "Meow" and come out of the hiding. It was as if - "Hey!! Look, I am here"

My new year of 2009 was ruined thus. She didn't come back after her regular outing. She was a bit late that night. I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy. As the clock struck 12, I was not celebrating but searching for her.

About 2 months later, her behavior changed yet again. She was silent most times, maybe she was waiting for the Tom Cat who didn't seem to come to meet her. She would go searching for him; I knew this as she would come home tired with thorns struck all around her and I would remove each of them. She was sort of depressed. And then one day, very differently than the regular routine she left home early morning. She always goes wandering late nights and comes back early morning.

But that day, she left early morning. I left for work, hoping she will be back by the time I am home. I didn't find her when I came back home, let it be; thinking she would come back. Waited the night, no avail. Next day, as usual I left for work thinking she might return today as she had not eaten on the day she left and that she should be hungry by now. She normally laps up the fish, her favorite. But that day, she didn't even smell it. She wasn't still there when I came, I wandered outside - neighboring streets, near the bushes, calling her name hoping I would find her. I did not. Asked my neighbors, they had no idea.

One of the last pictures I clicked of her before she left

I called up a couple of my friends and told them that my cat was missing. My voice was weak and on the verge of crying. The news was funny to them and they started teasing me and laughing until they realized I was serious. They started consoling me later and assured that it would come back.

After that, each day I kept searching for it, leaving the food outside; so that the food may draw it towards. No avail. I just could not accept the fact that there was no more of her waiting for me when I came back from work, trying to get inside my blanket when I was sleeping, trying to climb over me. I missed her terribly; it was as if someone very close to you is missing.; but constantly prayed that she should be safe somewhere.
And even to this moment, I have my qualms that one of the unhappy neighbors have shooed her away or ill-treated her in my absence that she was forced to leave.

I cried for many days later, around 2 months. Eventually, I stopped crying, but I miss her even now. Will miss her throughout. She was not planned, just happened and just left. I just hope that she is fine and safe. I got reminded of her a lot yesterday, and hence the post.

Friends

Yesterday was Friendship Day. Errr....I don't really really know if we need one special day to celebrate the beauty of friendship. But as everyone else, I acknowledge that yeah, yesterday was a day dedicated to celebrating friendship.
Got a couple of SMS from friends who wont remember me next year to send the Happy Friendhsip Day message. Its a fast fast world with people's memory getting shorter and shallower each second.

I have known many yet few people who have been friends, acquaintances, well-wishers. Its surprising to realize that how we cannot share the same level of bond with each one - even though they are all friends. Well, I have never shared my every thoughts, feelings, sorrows and joys with all my friends in the same manner. The comfort level always varied, no bias as such, but it got to do with my idea of whats acceptable to one and what is not.

Most of them we find are fair weather friends who pop up when you are hale and hearty but when you need a shoulder to cry, they vanish! There were have been a couple of instances where in I lost my years of genuine friendship due to ego and misunderstandings. Every person at one point of time gives you pain. But what you choose matters. Do you want to choose the PAIN or the PERSON? At one point, I chose the PAIN, nurtured it to anger and I lost my dear friend. Patching up doesn't work, even though one wants to plainly accept for the heck of it and say "Yo! We got back!" The crack can be mended but the scar always remains. Another occasion, I did the same mistake but was quick enough to mend it. Now my friend and I have buried the hatchet and we share a wonderful relationship. The scar remains with me, maybe I should let go of it.

Many people whom I haven't met, or just met for a few minutes have become great friends with me. Striking a cord is easy when two like minds meet. I have learnt a lot from my friends and they have indirectly influenced me to appreciate beauty of life and nurtured positivity.

There are few other friends whom I don't get to meet often as they are all in the US of A primarily, but we do catch up when our paths cross and then the reminiscences, recalling good old days, pulling each other; playing pranks, sharing a single packet of popcorn, forgetting what one is, forgetting other complications - those moments cant be bought for anything on earth. And an occasional "Hi, How are you"..."Hey, I bought a new car. Here are the pics" ......"Hi dear, whats up with you. How are things" ........."Yeah, life is complicated, I am trying to patch things up"............brings the two souls more closer.

3 years only.....

AS was asking me why there were no posts and I was told "Write something gal!"

I had hectic work schedule; as usual and I was sick too. So could not really take time to write. Amidst all these, I had a wedding to attend - wedding of an important person - my mentor's.

He was my guide when I first joined work; still a freshie; just out of college about 4 years back. I approached him for all my issues related to work, he was my guide, philosopher and friend. Eventually, I started discussing my personal issues too and he would be there to listen.

To vent out my anger, to crib, to complain, to irritate, to scold, the first number to dial would be his. I sort of; was his CASE STUDY as he would say to implement his psychological leanings.

I shared a good friendly relationship. He got busy in his new world once he got engaged about 3 months back. Few days before that, this is what he said as a parting thought when we met one day - "I may not be there, all the time"

It was few days later when he got engaged and I realized what he meant.

We are social beings, constantly looking out for compatible people with whom we can strike a chord, build a rapport. Its tough to find friends who can put up with you, share your sorrows and joys and encourage you and be there when you need them.

I was recalling all the friendships that I have had since my kindergarten. There was one thing that was common. I am generally a reserved person, and cant mingle easily. Most times, I have had just one friend to whom I would stick from dawn to dusk. If that friend is not present for some reason, then I could just skip my lunch and withdraw, for the very fact that I couldn't mingle easily.

These one friend at a time at various stages in my life have lasted for not more than 3 years. Surreal but true. Excited to find a friend with whom you can spend good and bad times, share joys and sorrows, bond, go on and suddenly drift away.

And why does it always happen after around 3 years? A friend in school left for another school after having spent 3 years, a friend in college just drifted away at the end of 3 year - due to misunderstanding. I regret it even today. A friend at my workplace moved away for his higher studies. There are a couple of other friends who drifted away - in search of new career, fresh life and so on....

The essence gradually fades away. Now its my mentor. I am in touch with all of these friends, I can still talk to my mentor but it will not be the same., i cant play around, crib, complain.... Things in life change, priority change, each one gets busier as the day passes.

So what I realized was shelf life of friendship in my life was 3 years....Tadaaaaaaaaaaaa.....

They remain friends forever, yet..............................................

Being a father

As a child, her father dotted on her. She would wait for him to return from work. He would come home, tired, after a long and grueling day; but all his wariness would vanish like a miracle, once he saw his daughter's lovely face, yearning eyes and the innocent smile. He would wake her up each morning to take a goodbye kiss from her. She would sleepy-eyed bid 'tata' while he merrily went to work; now that his day was made.

She was the apple of his eyes. His life was a bundle of joy with her, he played with her, he fed her. He waited for her birthday all 364 days a year. He planned for his doting princess' birthday months in advance, saved money to buy expensive silks.

He was in awe of his daughter's skills, her knack of learning things. For him, she was the most beautiful and the most intelligent child on earth. For her, he was her "Daddy". He was her hero, the omnipotent being who was her provider and protector. Life was bliss for the father and the daughter.

As she grew, she realized that all was not rosy between her father and her mother. They fought all the time, they got violent, much to the shock and dismay of their two angelic kids. She tried hard to be composed at such tender age, manage to hold on for she had her younger sibling to look after to. Things got worse each day, grown ups behaved like kids. They fought for trivial issues, they despised each other, they were suddenly strangers to one another.

Domestic violence, verbal abuse, physical abuse. She was taught that these were 'normal' in a household. She saw her father abuse her mother, she saw her mother abuse her father, she saw them both growing harsher towards each other. It was unbelievable for the poor soul to witness demon like behavior from her parents whom she thought were picture perfect.

She understood that her parents were less than kids, immature, egoistic and selfish. The trauma grew deep within each day. No one to talk about it; as it would be a matter of ridicule. She always wondered why didn't her parents love each other, why didn't they go out as a family; like all her neighbors did, why did they hate each other so much that they hurt each other. She tried to come to a conclusion............

She missed a happy family outing, a laughter-filled family dinner. She missed her family at the school function where she would bag most awards, and she would be speechless when other envious parents asked her to introduce her parents. She would walk home alone at night, fearful and weepy; when her father did not come to pick her up from extra classes. She knew he was busy elsewhere, satisfying his selfish needs.

As she grew up as a confused teenager, she would eye her classmates with jealously when their fathers would come to school to pick them up. She would be left out in the crowd during lunch hours when each girl talked about what each family did on a weekend and time spent with their dad. She would just smile when someone showed her her father's surprise gift. She stopped going out on excursions and outings as she had no one to fetch her back home at odd hours. When asked why she dropped out by her friends, she just withdrew and learnt the art of lying. She would long for a reprimand by her father when she scored less in academics.

As she grew to be a woman, she missed being disciplined, she missed being protected as fathers of other girls would do. She would long to be questioned when she came home late, that authoritative question. She missed him when she wore skinny low-hip jeans; for she knew her conservative dad would never allow that. She wanted to complain to her dad about the guys who teased her, who passed out remarks at her; she missed him the most then. She missed him when she got her first job, she missed him when she got her first paycheck, her first car, her first home, new family......She spoke to her father once in a while and when they spoke, it was a formal chat between two unknown strangers. She called him up all excited on her birthday, her beloved daddy long ago prepared for her princess' birthday months in advance............................only to realize that her father has long forgotten he had a daughter, let alone her birthday, as he was long gone to lead a separate life.

The daughter has moved on, counting her blessings, yet the trauma visits her and she misses her dad......

"Being a Father means
....................coming home to a hug after a long day at work
....................pride in the accomplishment of your sons and daughters
....................making sure your child has all the benefits of having YOU in their life
....................being involved in your child's life"

HAPPY FATHERS DAY

Image from blogs.smh.com.au/lostintransit/archives