Musings

I have always restricted myself from publishing offbeat posts. Offbeat for me - my personal state of being or random ramblings. It is not that I have been predictable. I dont like to be predictable; it gives me an insatiable pleasure when I do things off the track; off the mundane path - only to do something more to satisfy my thirst. If it is current affairs for some time; it would be humor and fiction other days or I would enjoy throwing in few verses of what I would call poetry. With respect to what I post here - I refrain from writing about my personal stuffs; rather on subjects that people can relate to and share their views on them. There is that sense of satisfaction when you learn and let others learn as well.

These being my thoughts; I never attempt to write about things going on with me. Either I think its too trivial and normal or I tend to think people might think I am flaunting. Amrit suggested I write about my home and I was dismissing the idea supporting with reasons that the readers might think I am showing off. But he encouraged me to go ahead and convinced me that it wont be a show off.

Anyway today I just want to write about nothing in general; but just write. What you call letting your hair down once in a while. I have never been busy ever in my life; that I can say "I didnt find time". For me 24 hours is sufficient; but I do tend to give the ever tried and tested "No time" excuse if I am not able to do something for different reasons - be it lack of interest, contemplation or favorable space. Now that its lean period at work; free for next 1 month at the minimum, I have been wondering what do I do to kill my time.

I am known for procrastinating for indefinite period. I was supposed to join Spanish classes and I am yet to. Prior to that I inquired about Tanjore painting classes and was prepared to join but I had to travel out of country on work and later when I came back; I just left at that. I was thinking of joining some photography classes to learn the techniques and make use of my beast(Nikon D7000) better. Thats also in back burner now. I could brush up my skills or learn some new stuffs at work. I am not doing them either.

I have all the time in the world. Even otherwise I had time. It makes me wonder if people are really that busy when they say they have no time. Is it that they cant manage time or that they are inefficient or is something wrong with me? If you folks remember I used to post regularly while in US even with my hands full with work. But this ability to find time for everything intimidates me. One of my blogger friend mentioned that she is not finding time to write! and here I was finding so much time. I could keep writing; my other personality told me "Stop! Dont post frequently! Are you that jobless?"

I know of many bloggers who have quit blogging due to lack of time. Will it ever happen to me? Or will I quit writing when I dont find anything substantial to write anymore or when I feel my quality is demeaning? Or what if something happens to me? What will happen to my 270+ posts? Who will hold the copyright? Who will manage there on?

Many such thoughts....about life, love, respect, purpose in life among other worries like "why is the rose bud taking these many days to bloom?" or "when will they restore my internet connection?" or "how to make place for a new pair of shoes?". There are other serious worries as well about loan and career and family and such. But they dont give me sleepless nights as the rose bud or lack of space for a new pair of shoes would give. But life goes on among all these worries. Each day I see this caretaker's family living in a makeshift made from tarpaulin in our apartment's car parking area.  The family worked as construction laborers and now are assisting the builder in another project. 2 kids - a girl and a boy. They are always cheerful; the family always happy. They cook outside using wood. Its the way of the world that those who construct houses for others have no roof under them. But I find them contended; I gave away a doll and soft balls to those kids and the smile on their faces was worthless.

They dont have to worry about which toy to choose to play with - the only one is their precious one. Their parents dont have to worry about curtains and drapes to adorn their makeshift home. They have 3 dogs for company. They form such a lovely community. The lady comes running to open the gates when we take our car out. The girl comes to fetch the garbage every morning. I feel uncomfortable. When she came this morning I gave her a pack of biscuits and sweetly told her I would take care of the garbage. I told them not to do such service for me and that I dont like anybody doing my work. I feel embarrassed; hope they understood. What is wrong in cleaning your own dirt?

For few more days I think I will have lot of thoughts pondering in my mind; time to reflect and act on few things. I cant keep my mind idle. As I ponder and reflect, I will continue to learn.