My mom called me an hour ago. She asked me if I can send the photos of me with pilots to my cousin. She was referring to the photos I clicked during my inflight experience in light aircraft and photos with pilots after the flight during my trip in Costa Rica.
I told her it was online on Facebook; so if he adds me as friend he can view them. I asked her why my cousin was interested in those pictures. What she told me irritated me as usual. She told me that during one of the usual conversation with her sister; she mentioned my photo with the pilots episode. Her sister got back a while later that it was utterly impossible to click snaps with pilots during flights as passengers dont have access. My mom has retorted with "Do you think my eyes would lie? I saw the pictures"; to which her sister has asked her to send the pictures as proof. My mom does not understand the nuances of facebook; she asked me to repeat what I said slowly so that she could write it down and repeat to them.
Now this is not new to me. The cold war between two sisters as to who is living a better life and whose kids are doing good in their life, careers, financially....is a regular affair. Of course this stems from the insecurities and inferiority that have been nurtured for decades now among them but the fact that I am victimized every time irks me.
Some time back, it was about the cost of my car; I had to detail the model, engine type, type of transmission etc to justify the cost as compared to what my cousin and his mom believed was the price for the car! Some other time it was the comparison of cost of my flat versus cost of the flat in London where her sister's daughter lives.
I lost it today and told her not to disturb me with such stupid matters; she shot back telling me that she wants to show-off to her sister since she also brags!
Each time, I need to give an explanation so that these two ladies are equipped with information to prove who has better life; not in terms of quality definitely but in terms of material possession. What are they trying to prove by taking credits of their children's life? Does it add any value to their quality of life is what I do not understand. The fact that I have to satisfy their silly ego annoys me.
Very well written. Just one word. Oneupmanship.
ReplyDeleteYeah, and I wonder what pleasure does one get?
DeleteI guess you can't do anything about it. They'll keep comparing their lives and since you are related, you'll be dragged in regardless of how you feel about it. It's nothing more than egos clashing and I guess none of them wants to pull back.
ReplyDeleteTry talking to your mom, though I know you must have already done so. Keep trying because that's all you can do for now. :)
I cant! I want a way to end this. Maybe I will stop sharing information with my mom :) In that way she cant discuss it.
DeleteNatural!! Thats how Women tend to find the superiority!
ReplyDeleteI seriously didnt know it was common. I thought mine is a one-off case
DeleteMaterial possession........... those who weigh by that gets weighed down.
ReplyDeleteHaddock,
DeleteSadly people dont realize that
Ahhh... a frustrating and irritating situation to be in! But it happens in so many families and among so many 'friends' too!! :|
ReplyDeleteI am shocked! Is it so common?
DeleteIt so happens a lot in my family too! The only difference is, there are about 10 sisters bragging about their kids! My mom never talk or boast anything about me, unless she gets into the nerves of what others do. These days I even see that amongst some of my good friends. After marriage, they wanted to prove that they live better than the other. What for? Why this publicity?
ReplyDeleteOh! Happens with people who are really having a bad life and want to show everything is rosy
DeleteHow does it matter really as to what one has as long as one finds happiness with one's life:)
ReplyDeleteExactly! :)
Deleteyep... real nuisance... :-(
ReplyDeletei'm facing that too right now.
I think the story is same everywhere. Till here its still ok. I hate it when they start doing the comparisons. Or sometimes when they ask you not to lead a life you wish to live just because what these relatives will think . God knows when this thing will stop .
ReplyDeleteYup! As long as they dont ask me with supporting documents!
DeleteOh, so intersting.
ReplyDeleteGood to know tabout sister coamparison is a unoversal issue.I akways thought it was restricted to North India only.
Honestly, we have to get over this.Just dont bother.
Laugh,or laugh it off
I thought it was not so common. With many people saying it happens with them too, I am shocked
DeleteUnadulterated envy , jealousy. And the itch that someone may be as good or if not better than you.
ReplyDeleteThese people are best left unattended how so ever close and near they are.
These people are best left unattended how so ever close and near they are
DeleteDo you do this Anil?
You know Anil, its not easy when its your mom :)
DeleteB, well, well , your mom was taking pride in hitting back showcasing the success of her child in any which way. I did not mean that you have to be offensive with her. But you could personally ignore the others who are sick with envy and also tell your mom , enlighten her that she need not fret about what others say and feel diminished.
DeleteAnil,
DeleteDo you think I wouldnt have done all the talking and explaining to my mom? Like telling a parrot I have! In vain
This happens in families. A kind of pweor game:-)
ReplyDeleteSometimes, one sibling keeps low down, and let things go,for family peace. It becomes a habit.It is one upmanship, and a sense of insecurity. "I am better than my sister " is the satisfaction.
Good post.
Its the sense of insecurity and inferiority. And someone else has to bear the brunt and feed the ego
DeleteAh family show offs... would you believe my granny's 90 year old sister is hell bent upon comparing her grandchildren with me n my siblings?? I thought with age.. people would mature and stop doing such silly things.. but certain things... just don't get off you.. so take a chill pill n relax :D
ReplyDeleteWhoa! I think I am ok since I am not alone here!
DeleteI know this. And it happens everywhere. My mom brags about things too. A lot. I have now stopped telling her about so many things. For instance, I don't tell her if I draft a document for some celeb or a well known company. You can understand why!
ReplyDeleteAnd I dont know why people dont try simple ways to end this type of things. :)
ReplyDeleteI will be glad to learn the "simple ways" from you. May you please suggest?
DeleteI dont give it a damn and dont bother me again for this type of rubbish please.
DeleteOr as Anil said, leave it unattended.
Can you do that if it were your mom?
DeleteI can understand your frustration. Frankly, I've seen this trait predominantly in North Indians especially Dilliwalas. It becomes so bugging. But, just the other day a lady took me around her house showing off how her own home is almost like the one she had in the US. Out of politeness I kept at it but was so bugged. What is wrong with these people? And, she is a South Indian.
ReplyDeleteI think these traits are geography agnostic :)
DeleteI am late here, B, but reading through the comments, I fail to see love for the elders. Can't you see they are so childish? In the twilight of their lives, what matters most to them - or for any parent, is how secure and successful their children are. You see, it IS a measure of their success too. It is no jealousy or envy or such mean things; try to look at it from a different angle. Let them have their little fights and victories and showing-offs. Just look at it with amusement- the so-called elders are going through their second childhood! As Eric Berne would've said, it is the 'Child' in them. Take it lightly.
ReplyDeleteBalan,
DeleteYou may be a different league Balan. Yeah, of course what matters is seeing their children successful. But between the sisters its an act of jealousy of course. Why are you failing to see that? I cant feed to their ego in proving who is has better prospectus.