Angkor Wat

These days, it seems I've been irregular at posting my travel sojourn. I do have my reasons. There is so much to share of my travel experiences that it makes me squirm to see my blog becoming a travel blog. It isn't bad but I want my blog to be a place like A Rabbit Hole of "Alice in Wonderland" with varieties.

And another reason is that; jotting down everything that I encounter and experience is what I want to do; but its a draining process; since there is so much; this much; to write. I promise myself that I will be regular and more importantly on time to jot them down here. I shudder to think that my Sri Lankan trip has also been on the line to complete.

Anyway, continuing on Angkor temples. The Angkor Wat, Bayon and Ta Prohm also now referred to as Angelina Jolie temple after few scenes were shot for the movie Tomb Raider are all part of Little Circuit. The temples in the little circuit are all mostly at shorter distances from one another and they are also huge temples.

The day starts at 4 am to be on time to watch the sun rise at Angkor Wat temple. However early you go, you always see crowds that have gathered before your arrival; such is the name and fame of Angkor Wat. Many people place their tripods strategically to capture the sun rise which is again very famous. You need to find a spot to watch the beauty of the sunset and also to take a good pic. Just along the side where people gather to watch sun rise are number of restaurants. Tourists generally take a break for a while after watching sunset to have a hearty breakfast to prepare for their long and exhaustive day ahead; before entering the temple.

These restaurants are just tiny shacks with a couple of plastic chairs and tables; and they are in a row. Each restaurant has a unique name and they are international that can be easily identified by the tourist. The guys and women owners of these shacks walk up to you and mention the restaurant name and the number and ask you to visit them for breakfast after watching sun set. One of the shack could be "Number 4 James Bond" or another one "Number 6 Britney Spears". The strategy is simple; have a name a Westerner can recognize. So you will have them nagging you constantly to visit "Stall no 4 James Bond" for good breakfast.

The shacks that are strategically placed closer to sunrise viewing area are the ones that most people visit; very few venture to the far end. The stalls at the far end have to struggle very hard to get business. There was thing one guy who was not more than 12 years old who had an impeccable English with an American accent. This boy owned or maybe worked in a stall at the far end of the row. He was dirty looking, ragged, wearing torn clothes. You might easily mistake him for a poor Cambodian tramp until he starts speaking. He is poor yes, but his business acumen was laudable. I can never forget him. He came unto us and started(in American impeccable English) "Sir, ma'am would you care for some Coffee and breakfast? My stall is on the left; please sir, this way. This way ma'am"

When we said we will return after watching the sunset, he replied "Sure ma'am. Remember my stall. Pleasure to have you here". Now, the way he approached, his confidence, his etiquette; I am not one bit exaggerating. You get to learn all of that in a business school paying lakhs of rupees. It was unfortunate that we couldn't go to his stall at the far end later; because we were hijacked mid way by a couple and hungry that we were; we settled at the nearest one. The boy was disappointed and said "This is unfair!" and forgot about it the next moment and went off to pursue other tourists. But observing him through the breakfast;   it was obvious that people had no patience to go unto his stall and he lost many customers. While the front stalls got quick customers about 5-6 in 20 mins; he managed just one. When life challenges your existence, you find a way; isn't it?

So the much awaited sun rise at Angkor Wat

The temple of Angkor Wat is one of the largest of the Khmer temples built during the 12th century as Hindu temple. The size of the monument is overwhelming and its not surprising that you need 4-6 hours to soak it up. We started at 6 AM and finished it at 10 AM. There is a "how to explore" guide on the internet. The temple follows the plan of Meru mountain; the secret mountain and thus the five towering gopuras. The outer compound has libraries. The bas reliefs at the main entrance depict stories from the battle of Ramayan and Mahabharat, churning of the ocean by demons and gods to get Amruta, army of the King Suryavarman II and other similar ones on both left and right side.

Ram and Lakshman

Ravana at war against Ram

A partial view of the lengthy bas reliefs

Wooden stair cases to help tourists walk without falling off and also to protect the monument

An Apsara

Scene depicting Mahabharata war

Bhishma pierced by 1000 arrows

These were richly colored; some of the partial colors can be seen here. Imagine the temple in its heydays; richly colored; sculptures studded with precious stones...such grandeur.

Sri Krishna riding the chariot

King Suryavarman II and his ministers giving audience

Soldiers marching to war with horses and elephants

Khmers going to war against Chams

These are Cham soldiers

A day in the life of Khmers

A general going to war

The king going to war. How do we know he is the king? By the number of parasols he is accompanied with

The entrance to inner courtyard

Vandalized images of Hindu gods; the organic color remains

One of the towers

Inside the temple

The last tier

The central courtyard has lot of apsaras

Some more

A pediment richly carved

The topmost central courtyard has images of Buddha; they are worshiped

As seen from above

Another image of Buddha with the Buddhist flag

The central courtyard

A monk

The steps to the top

The round depressions  shows how the stones came here; they were chained and pulled by elephants

The pond and on the other side are the stalls

The baray

From Phnom Penh to Siem Reap

Phnom Penh is infamously known for its killing fields and genocide museum. The Pol Pot regime is a touchy topic. Some sections say that the brutality of the regime was exaggerated to hide the brutalities of America in that region. They say the count of people affected and dead from land mines are much more than those dead from genocide. Well, we can't get to hear the truth. But the killing fields and genocide museums show a gruesome history during the Pol Pot regime.

Its beyond imagination to see how a small group of people can treat fellow human things in the most inhuman way. All for power, fame and the madness to control. The visit to these places made me numb and you can't leave without crying. You shiver as you read the gory stories, see the blood stained clothes and broken and pierced skulls in galore. You shudder at the thought of torture means, and you can't help but weep when you learn the arduous conditions people were subjected to. Thankful that you did not belong to that era and the place. I won't be posting any photos of the actual killing field and genocide visuals since they are disturbing. Its enough for one to shudder and go ballistic. 

There is not much in Phnom Penh and so most tourists enter Siem Reap; the home to Angkor Wat. But there are few who spend a day or two at Phnom Penh. The journey to Siem Reap can be on a private bus with sleepers. They are decently equipped and worth the money - 10$ per person. Traveling during the day; you can see rice fields passing by small villages and indigenous houses built on a raised platform; like what we would call our first floor with a slit here.

Toursits from all over the world travel to Siem Reap to visit the Angkor Wat Temple. Well, Siem Reap is home to clusters of similar temples; many more grand and huge than Angkor Wat, but its Angkot Wat rings a bell. There are many hotels in the town and in fact, Siem Reap is better equipped than Phnom Penh. We managed to get transferred to the hotel of the same management of the hotel at Phnom Penh - 12$ per night with unlimited access to rooftop swimming pool!. But didn't use it; rather spending time on the streets consuming the experience was better.

Lets talk about what Siem Reap is famous for. The hindu temples built in Khmer architecture are scattered throughout. There are about 15-20 of them that are most famous and grand. You are tired and beaten up by the time you finish visiting them. Yeah, feeling overwhelmed and difficult to believe are perks that comes along with it. Never anywhere else in the world would you find clusters of immaculate and exquisite architecture all hurdled up in one place as Siem Reap. Stretching over 400 sq.km including the forest area, the temples are between 6th to 15th century; Angkor is derived from Sanskrit "Nagar" meaning City.

About 6 mms from the town is the ticketing area at the entrance of Apsara Archeological Park. You can opt for 1 day($20), 3 days($40) or 7 days($60) pass. Best is to take 3 days to sink everything in but thats also very tiring. You require a minimum of 3 days to visit those important 15-20 temples. The tickets bear your face as ID so that its not transferred. There are 2 divisions of seeing the temples - Little Circuit : major sites to east of Angkor Wat and Grand Circuit : further out north and east. There are also Roulous group and outlying temples over 20 mms away from Angkor Wat.

It takes about 2-4 hours to explore each temple; one can now visualize the size and details of each temples. There is a detailed guide on how to explore Angkor Wat on the internet.

To summarize, these temples were built as Hindu(Vishnu) temples by kings in power making them as "State temples"; symbolizing the king's kingdom and rule. So we find so many temples; each state temples built by different kings throughout history. The temples also have Buddhist stupas and statues when the next king was a Buddhist. The succeeding king; if he was a Hindu, converted the temple back to Hindu temple. Now, most of the temples are not living;  meaning to say Hinduism is not prevalent. The idols are defaced. The Angkor Wat has Buddhist statues and are revered.

These temples also served as testaments to the king's victory in war; so rich bas reliefs carved with war scenes can be seen. The temples are highly symbolized; the temple is a "temple mountain" where the temple is built as a representation of Mount Meru. The temples are surrounded by mounts, guarded by garudas, built in a mountain-like pyramid shape and topped by 5 towers; representing 5 peaks of Mount Meru. The baray or water reservoirs are huge; they run km long and surround all sides of the temple.

Well, you need to read books upon books to understand Siem Reap temples. We roamed around a tuk-tuk and bought a book for $4 to understand each temple. We opted for a guide only at Angkor Wat. The other temples were self guided. After 2 days of intense 8 AM - 6 PM temple touring; it was so so overwhelming and saturated that you can only marvel.

Angkor Wat is kept for the last; rather the first thing for the morning for sun rise. The first day for us for touring the Grand Circuit and outlying temples. Its convenient to travel by tuk-tuk enjoying the country side and forests.

10th century temple of Bantaey Srei (Citadel of Woman) dedicated to Hindu God Shiva. Its entirely built of red sandstone; lot of intricate carvings of stories from Hindu mythology like the one above. 

Bull and Garuda carvings on a pillar

A broken Nandi

The building themselves are miniature in scale; unusually so when measured by the standards of Angkorian construction. The walls are of laterite. 

Combat between Vali and Sugriva

Indra and Airavatha

A typical home

Country side of Siem Reap

Street food

A young lady with her wares to sell

Temple of Pre Rup - state temple of King Rajendravarman in 961. Its a temple mountain of brick, laterite and sandstone.

Kids are very much around trying to sell their wares

A figure on the walls of the towers

Guarding lion

Inside one of the temple towers. In the centre was a linga which has been dismantled. Behind is a beheaded statue of Buddha. What I was telling about; Hinduism giving way to Buddhism, Buddhism giving way to Hinduism....

East Mebon - 3 storey temple mountain again built by Rajendravarman during 10th century.

A painter

Buddha statue revered

Ta Som, of 11th century built by king Jayavarman VII. Its largely not restored with numerous trees and other vegetation growing among the ruins. Apsaras on the walls

Entrance of Ta Som.

Seems it was a Shiva temple once.

Ruins, conservation in progress

Ruins among strangler figs and mosses. A unique surrounding to be in. The ruins, the nature showing its power...makes one feel humble.

Through the forests

Catching fish

Entrance to Preah Khan built in 12th century by King Jayavarman VII; garudas holding naga

Pediment depicting Jayavarman VIIs victory over invading Chams

Apsaras

This temple remains largely unrestored with silk cotton trees overtaking the majestic construction

Volatile and Danger

Finely carved

Stupa inside what was once a Vishnu temple

The long path shows how big the temple is

Buddha under Bodhi tree

An inscription

Who wins - Nature of Man?

A portion of the temple

Silk cotton trees reclaiming whats theirs. These trees are huge and the roots are 30-40 mts long. The challenge to archaeologists is to conserve these buildings

The purpose of these 2 story buildings are unknown, maybe libraries.

Nature is always invincible. I spent 30 mins just sitting here and contemplating the reason of our being

Well, well, the best way to remain is speechless

 In a child state...

Wanderlust from a Third World Country

While I am recuperating. my S3 has been my constant companion; fitting with the S4 having a tagline "Life Companion".

Now what I do most time of the day when I am not reading is to read about the places of a randomly chosen country that I wish to visit. Wikipedia, wikitravel and tripadvisor has been my companion. I try to sink it all in - the places, geography, interesting things to see, to do, currency, food and along with that the visa process. 

Its when I read about the visa procedure that I feel smited. For one, it seems being a wanderlust is an ironical comedy if you are from a third world country as India. Now, if you can travel to a foreign land without having to go through the hassle of obtaining a visa before hand is a big bonus. I have not traveled much, but among the 10+ countries that I've visited, most of them except for 1 or 2 have been countries where I had the privilege of getting Visa on Arrival facility. If I go back to how I chose these countries; I think one of the main criteria was the ease in getting a visa. Thats how Costa Rica replaced Peru; isn't it? 

Thinking about it, the ease in getting a visa to a country is a measure to your country's economic and trade alliances with the foreign country. Another parameter is the economic state of the citizens. In general, the citizens of rich countries have more freedom to travel than those of countries that are poor or in war. I was shocked to know that Indians had to obtain prior visa to visit Kenya until recently. The position is elevated to VOA only from this year to improve tourism earnings in Kenya. 

I am just talking about Tourist Visa here; lets not get into other types of Visa. Why would anyone who has a family, friends, good job back home try to overstay or get lost in a foreign country? Alas! it has happened isn't it? Why has Malaysia stopped VOA for Indians? :-( 

Anyway, I tend to look for as easy options as possible to avoid going through the labyrinth task of getting visa prior. For one; its not easy when I don't have a day-day itinerary or the address of hotel I would stay since I don't book prior. Also, some countries have restrictions to have a mandatory return ticket which should not be any neighboring country (God knows the reason why they should care as long as people leave their country!!) In cases as these; its only possible if you are on a strictly itinerary tour; not for ruffians like me. 

There are other problems as well. For those countries in the Caribbean and Central American region  where Indians are invited; 98% of the flights have a transit in the USA. :-) Well, it means, you still have to go through the pain of getting a transit visa to the US, go through the painful immigration process. Same is the case if you want to visit Micronesian countries, you need to change flights in OZ or NZ.  And then there are few countries which need a letter from your employer. I don't understand the rationale behind this. Another unique kind is cross restrictions that exist between neighboring countries - don't get your passport stamped if your next destination is this particular country and such. 

However inviting the official tourism pages of the countries are; visas are frustrating affair. If you are from a 'lowly' country; the experience is not pleasing. The fees are hefty. If there are no visa fees, don't be happy. Airport exit fees might be lurking around the corner; so leave some cash even after your holiday has ended. You may be left stranded at the airport if you can't pay exit feed while leaving the country. Its fine if these countries sustain on tourism. Interestingly Cambodia's visa fees are less than Thailand's; also the process to obtain a Thailand visa(on arrival) is rigid and restricted than Cambodia's. Maybe because Cambodia depends more on tourism than Thailand. 

If not this, be prepared to fill in pages and pages of data. Apparently, the Chinese have to fill in a ten page document in English with biometric data to visit Britain. Chinese are the top spenders when it comes to travel and not surprisingly, they have shied away from traveling to Britain. Only as less as 20% of Chinese visiting Europe visit Britain compared to their preference to neighboring France. You should also be aware of tit-for-tat diplomatic policies; thereby placing restrictions on travel. I cannot help but quote SL's policy to stop VOA for those countries that don't offer them VOA. Since Jan 2012, all travel to SL needs a visa prior to arrival for Indians. 

With all these and few more I have not mentioned; it seems only the most blessed citizens of US and the big 5 of Europe have freedom to visit at least 166 countries without a visa. Interestingly, again taking the Chinese who are big spenders and big wanderers and who could account for half the world's tourism can sadly access only 41 countries visa free. And what about citizens of war torn countries like Iraq and Afghanistan? They are so damned. 

Here is a comparitive chart ( Referred from The Economist article)

Nevertheless, its not too bad for Indians as depicted in the chart. Indians can travel to nearly 60+ countries around the globe without having to get a visa before arrival. Here is the list - Visa requirements for Indians

Here are few visa tips to make life easy if you want to travel. 

• Take advantage of VOA - the countries these offer are exotic and have lots to experience. (Surprised to know most Caribbean, Asian and Oceanic countries have VOA for Indians)
• Visa free transit facility - some countries offer these for a period of upto 14 days. Use these when you are bound to another country(US/UK) or a re-entry during the same leg of journey - Singapore and Malaysia offer them 
• Limited access - One can visit a part of a country without needing a prior visa either using Transit Visa or VOA facility like Hong Kong, Jeju Island(South Korea)
• Use your US/UK/Aus visa to advantage. Some countries offer exclusive VOA for those holding US/UK visa. Some Central American countries offer this facility. Thats how I managed Costa Rica. 
• E-visa : Apply for visa online; get E-visa printout and pass through immigration if the country offers it. Always good to avoid long queues. 

I've had breezy experience while getting visas. For one, I have noticed that more stamps on your passport; the easier and quicker its going to be. It seems to assure the officers at the immigration that this person is not here to stay but just to visit as the other countries supported by the stamps. And like it or not; a US/EU or other "developed" country visa surely helps. 

A parting note : At the immigration desk in Bangalore after my latest trip; the officer in charge made me list all the countries I've visited. He confirmed with my immigration stamping and only then stamped my passport :-/ 

Thriving on Indian Roads

My husband made a statement today "Everyone meets with an accident at least once on Indian roads" He was examining the wound on my left foot to check how it was healing. Well, the statement made me think......Of all the actions that happen on Indian roads.

I have always admired the riders and drivers; it takes immense skill, strategy, tactic and nick of the time decision at every step to reach the destination safe. Why else would you think one needs to traverse an 8 successfully before getting a license? Well, traversing an 8 is just like a viva exam; it does not really prepare you for what exists on the road. So many challenges, each innovative and difficult than the ones gone by. Let me take you on a virtual ride on my "now waiting to be revived in some garage" scooter.

We all know of the infamous potholes on the roads; or rather the little roads left after all those potholes. To manuever on what is little left of road is like walking on a rope; for you never know when you gonna fall. Oh! spare those potholes; how could they not get carved out with incessant flowing sewage on the road. Thats another story altogether. There are other nuances that needs a mention.

One got to be on a constant lookout for anything exotic to spot on the road; a la spotting birds. You may find exotic animals such as dogs and cows on the road. They can either be taking a nap or just decide to cross the road. They are the brake inspectors; and they have a special right in the constitution of India - Right to Way. You and yeah you have to stop and give them the way. What the traffic signals can't do; they can. I have an interesting proposal; to train Cows and Dogs as Break Guides at signal intersection. We solve many problems here; put stray cats and gods to good use thereby saving man power and electricity. Oh oops! I forgot we have PeTA

Apart from rocks and potholes, be observant of broken coconuts, crushed lemons and broken pumpkins. These are all of religious sentimental value and are revered. Never ever drive on them; but make sure to take off your hands from handlebar to pray with both hands. And yeah, also of the strewn petals of flowers on the road; they could from a funeral. Mommy has instructed never to touch them since they are bad omen. So gently criss cross the roads so as to not touch these stuffs. See, here is where your ability to finish the 8 during driving test comes to use.

Now when at a signal; you will be just centimeters away from other vehicles and you will be surrounded by vehicles so close that you might at first not know if you can avoid nicking each other. Don't worry; you would learn to form a perimeter around you visible only you. You will know to survive without nicking and learn to avoid being nicked at. You will also learn to move cm by cm once the signal is green. This may also involve turning your handle to extreme angles if needed depending on how close the vehicle is ahead of you. You would also get used to dodging bicycles and other vehicles who are going neck in neck with you close as a shaving razor.

How the hell did I forget auto rickshaws? I've always followed an auto if I get a chance. They take the right turns, cut through the melee of vehicles and pass with élan. I just have to follow them. If you can't win over an enemy; make a pact with them ;-)

There is a bigger enemy on the road than the horrifying trucks or the evil auto rickshaws. Beware of window side passengers in buses, rickshaw mamas, cab drivers and of course your fellow 2-wheelers. You can trust the birds about their frequency of pooping but not the missiles in the form of saliva. You don't know when and from where it will land up on you but the projectile motion is properly worked out. It has no obstacles along the path of projection and there is absolutely no interference in gravity. These folks have immense confidence in their ability to spew saliva that India could have generous number of people participating in a Olympic game of Saliva Shooting. So lookout for those mouths that have a pouted look; they are not practicing to give a smooch like Kareena but they are seconds short of showering a "Aaak thoo" on you. 

And then the pressure from fellow drivers. Expect sudden brakes, sharp turns and a string of cuss words. At first, I felt so bad that I thought about it and felt guilty. Now I have learnt; the secret is this. Make a mistake; you cuss them before they do. Yell, shout; take advantage of the local language if you know and if they don't know the local language; well you have won. Show a finger; make them feel guilty. 

Finally, learn to handle it all. There are folks out there like you trying to dodge the spit, the cows and the dogs and the potholes. Just pass on the tradition! 

Curd Rice

What a lousy topic to write about. What can one possibly write about Curd Rice or Thayir Sadham?

Recipe eh? Nope. Something funny? Umm no. So whats it about Curd rice - the quintessential life saver to any Tam-Bram. 

It would seem silly, unpretentious and bland. The last thing anybody would think of is a poem on curd rice or to find it listed in must-try-things-before-you-die. But I must the curd rice has a lot to teach in life. 

For one, its reputation in itself. Curd mixed with rice is an acquired taste - why would you want to eat a semi-sour curd mixed with rice? But ask folks who vouch their fierce loyalty to the dish? The seemingly diminutive dish is a superstar in many south indian homes. I've always cherished having curd rice - I have least of the expectations from it but it does wonders. Talk about getting that hint of joy when least expected. How much we relish such moments in life? Live without expectations; even a small gesture or a butterfly fluttering by is going to give you joy. 

Next, the beauty lies in its simplicity and its adaptability. Its so easy to prepare; versatile and goes with anything; I prefer to have it with mango pickle. Some throw in grapes, pomegranate or a seasoning of tiny bits of chill, ginger, mustard and cilantro. Again, I can't help but think about life. Life is as simple as it gets; but we tend to complicate it. Life is just love - everything revolves around love. The day we can leverage the magnificent energy from love; life is gonna be one hell of a grand party. Nothing can go wrong with a curd rice, you can just enhance it. The extra flavors only add more zing to it. At the same time, adding those extra flavors does not diminish the taste and properties of curd rice; it only enhances it. Likewise, love is only going to enhance your life. 

Next, no meal ends without a serving of curd rice in the end. The meal ends when you say "I am done" after you have devoted your last serving of curd rice. After your done with your curd rice, you are pleased and relaxed. When you are done, you are actually done. Every good thing ends on a happy note; to give way to better things. 

There are times when everything fails, it seems bleak and dark. Times when you doubt your purpose....then, think of good wishes, good times, blessings and of course your curd rice!

Force Shutdown

Unix command "halt -f" is a forced shutdown - what it does to the operating system is that it forcefully quits all active processes and shuts down the system even without a warning or confirmation.

Well, we do need such things in life once in a while. Here I am, sitting on the couch of my living room, stroking the keys of my laptop after 5 long days. Thats a record - I have never been away from my computer for so long unless I was away on a vacation.

I met with an accident 5 days ago on my way to office. It was a minor one, thankfully; with a crushed tendon on my right foot and beautiful abrasion fit enough to be called an abstract painting on my left foot and other minor abrasions elsewhere. It has rendered me inactive for few days. I had to undergo a minor surgery to suture the deep gash; now here I am limping to and fro to the bathroom.

"No walking" said the doctor. "Keep your legs elevated on a pillow and don't go to work". Well, I said "Yes doctor, no work. I can't do justice in this condition". I am glad that it ended with a crushed tendon and some tears, there were no fractures and I didn't come under the wheels of any other vehicle. So far so good.

The days gone by has left me to take ample rest. I switched on my laptop today because I felt like writing something. I've been reading and sleeping; eating with guilt(I have decided to take just 2 meals a day hereafter. Lets see how far it goes) I have switched off from work completely. Above all; it has made me take a look back at my days gone by. Well, what use is to think about past? It has use, if you want to prioritize and plan your future well.

I've realized that I've been working like crazy, been taking too many things on my plate without realizing that I need to be clever and smart. Yeah, its not about money at all. These has been my guiding principle all these years. But if you are being taken for a ride; you better take note of it. I have not been hearing to a peer's advice of taking things slow, not worry about work. It has always been what value can I add at work; how can I help my coworkers.

Now; I am here with my condition and not even one team member has called up in courtesy to check on my well being. I feel sad, ashamed, hurt but at the same time wise. I know now what is important, what should be valued. Work to live your life and not live to work. At the end of the day; you are a resource. Now that this resource is resting; the liability is more.

I've also realized what value is a human being to one's friends, relatives and acquaintances. Its not that I am going to change now and remain unsocial. I am just going to set my expectations right and not be too giving. I've always done that and have been at the receiving end in terms of disappointments.

I am feeling good that I am having this break, not worried about work, dead lines and responsibilities. I know when I go back to work; I am going to be clear about how I want to work hereafter. More importantly, I know my so called friends at work are just co-workers and my relatives don't want troubles coming their way. I know there are no so called "friends for life"; its just a notion to many; only lucky few get such friends.

Let me get back with some nice write ups next time

Couple of Inches

Its not the philospohical "Let Go" to manage your stress and time kinda thing. Not even the "Let Go" to seize opportunities for different things kind. Its the "Let Go" moment when I think I've accepted the harsh realities.

Ask a women - what can she part with? Her clothes or her family. I bet most would choose the latter. Well, now not in literal sense. But yeah, clothes and accessories form an integral part of women; how much ever she says she is not the girlie kind. Every women has her type of clothes and accessories she would cling to for her life and would want to take them to her grave if permitted.

My favorite denims fit no longer; some of my sheer beautiful tops fit no longer. But they are still there in my closet. I take them out once in a while, try them on, they don't fit. I fold and put them back in my closet only hoping that I might be able to wear them someday. There are types of such garments. I want to grade them.

Choker : Ones in which your flesh can't even sneak through. You try, push, gasp and push and resign to believe you can never ever fit into unless you get thin by some miracle.

Squeezer : I would like to call the ones that you can squeeze in somehow but gasp for air. Your flesh pops out here and there; fugly!! (thats f***ing ugly)

Sneaker : Those clothes which you can sneak in but its gonna hug you tight and you don't want your love handles to show up. Which cloth can comfortably hide the love handles???

So these clothes keep taunting and teasing you to try them on; only to mock at you as to how funny you look in them. I am defeated; I know I can never wear them on; forget wearing them. I've gotten old as well isn't it? A lace lined top looks so girlie! and the cartoon print ones? Ewww! What about the ones with one-liners? "Now that I am here, what are your other two wishes?" Yuck!!

To find all those discarded jeans and tops in there - should I feel happy about the fact that I am living in hope? One day! Yeah, one day I can wear them - comfortably. I will be back in shape - the sticky thin figure I was before I was a woman and when I was a girl. Aren't they a symbol of desperation? Or is it the affirmation of my will power?

Now! I have so many of the hardly worn once clothes. I look at them on mannequins and think I can fit into them. Why don't I realize the hips on the mannequins are barely there whereas I have a generous proportion of it? It ain't that bad. I have heard comments that made my day...err..did it? It was always shrouded in doubt. My doctor recently said "You are a slim women" following with a comment related to medication. I've also heard friends say "You don't look you are reaching 31" or "Bindu, you have gone thin". Oh! a neighbor's dad who had come down for a holiday said "Oh! is that you. I thought it was some girl on her way to college"

Damsel in distress! only that not for a knight in shining armor to save her but to make sure the lifestyle doesn't take a toll on her physical fitness. But slim or college-going like or whatever, fat around the hips is here to stay!!! Accept it, yes I do. What is a flat belly worth without my white sauce creamy pasta or that lip smacking rice and sambhar!!!

So the realization struck and I've attained nirvana I guess. I like to think that there are unflattering facts and good to accept for your own peace. Should I keep those clothes? They could motivate me; looking at them can get me to lose that fat. Maybe I'll keep one for reference sake; you know what I mean?

But yeah; last night; I wore or tried to wear every top and trouser and paraded in front of my husband to check what I should keep and what I should let go! I don't think he enjoyed the parade. The ones that don't fit anymore have gone to charity - yeah someone much needed gets to wear Levis, Jealous 21, Bare denim and Basics...Oh common!!

A couple of inches really is what I've gained!!!